Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Chad in a wig delivering a 70-mph spike!
BOISE, Idaho – In an unprecedented move that has shocked the sports world and sent Nancy Armour into a keyboard-smashing frenzy, the Boise State men’s volleyball team has adopted Plan B: donning lipstick, wigs, and falsetto voices to compete as honorary women in the Mountain West Conference championship against San Jose State.
The decision came after the Boise State women’s volleyball team opted to forfeit their semifinal match against San Jose State, refusing to play against a team fielding a biologically male athlete. Facing a no-win situation, the Boise State men’s team—sporting their new, government-approved pronouns and flawless contour makeup—took the court to "level the playing field" and deliver a championship performance no one will ever forget.
“We figured, if fairness doesn’t matter anymore, why not go all in?” said team captain Chad “Cheryl” Thompson, adjusting his auburn wig with a smirk. “Coach handed us some tube tops, called it a loophole, and now we’re state champs, baby!”
Vegas Weighs In
The Vegas odds shifted dramatically within minutes of Boise State’s announcement, with the Broncos listed as 100% guaranteed to win. San Jose State’s coach reportedly broke into a sweat the moment he saw Boise’s 6’8” middle blocker Carl "Carla" Benson towering over the net, rocking glittery eyeliner and pink nail polish.
“Look, we’re just here to support equality,” said Benson, whose first serve hit the San Jose libero so hard she’s now being monitored for a concussion. “If inclusion means dunking on fools for an hour and a half, so be it. Happy to do my part for social justice!”
Smack Talk Reaches New Heights
The trash talk between the two teams was fierce, though it’s unclear if San Jose’s players were in on the joke.
“Nice spike, sis,” sneered Boise setter Brett “Brenda” Wilson after blasting a 70 mph ball past San Jose’s front line. “Maybe next time you can stand on a chair to block me.”
Not to be outdone, San Jose’s transgender athlete reportedly shouted, “You’re not real women!” mid-match, only to receive a yellow card for hate speech under the Mountain West’s updated bylaws.
“I guess the truth hurts,” Wilson later quipped.
Post-Game Chaos
Boise’s 3-0 sweep was so dominant that San Jose State’s bench briefly debated switching to chess club for next year’s athletic endeavors. In the post-game press conference, San Jose State’s coach called the match a “disaster,” noting that his team had never before faced opponents with five o’clock shadows and 40-inch verticals.
“It’s almost like men and women are different,” he muttered before storming off, leaving reporters slack-jawed.
Meanwhile, Boise State’s victory celebration included mock interviews where the men hilariously thanked “our inner queens” and vowed to keep fighting for “equality in demolishing the competition.”
Nancy Armour’s Predictable Meltdown
Nancy Armour, the self-appointed arbiter of all things progressive, wasted no time penning a scathing op-ed titled Boise State’s Plan B is Bigotry in Lipstick.
“These men-in-women’s-clothing are undermining decades of progress,” Armour fumed. “If this mockery continues, I’ll be forced to add glitter to my Twitter profile picture in protest.”
Critics of Armour were quick to respond. “Wait, isn’t this exactly what you wanted?” one social media user wrote. “Welcome to the logical conclusion of your activism!”
The Future of Plan B
While some decried the move as a stunt, others hailed Boise State’s men—er, women—as pioneers for fairness in absurdity.
“I hope this sets a precedent,” said one parent, whose daughter was eliminated from the tournament earlier this season. “Maybe now we can have an honest conversation about keeping men out of women’s sports—or at least agreeing on a better shade of lipstick for game day.”
Boise State has announced that its men’s volleyball team-turned-women’s team will hold a makeup tutorial next week to help aspiring trans athletes perfect their on-court look.
“We’re not just here to spike balls,” Chad “Cheryl” Thompson said as he held up the championship trophy. “We’re here to smash stereotypes—and occasionally opponents’ faces.”
As for San Jose State, the team is reportedly petitioning the NCAA to implement a new rule: “No opponents over 6’5” with Adam’s apples.”
Stay tuned, folks—if this doesn’t force a rethink of the current madness in women’s sports, nothing will.
Part 1: Nancy Armour
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