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PARODY: Breaking News - Twelve Women Come Forward Alleging They Were Sexually Assaulted by Whoever is Trump's Next VP Pick

Writer's picture: The ElephantThe Elephant
Parody Image of Trump Accusers

Washington, D.C. — In an unprecedented turn of events, twelve women have come forward with allegations of sexual assault against President Trump's yet-to-be-named Vice Presidential pick.


The accusations are sparking intense controversy, even though the identity of the future VP still remains a mystery.


"Whoever he is, I know he did it," claimed one of the accusers at a hastily assembled press conference. "I haven't met him yet, but I can feel it in my bones. He's guilty."


The accusations have caused a media frenzy, with journalists desperately trying to uncover the identity of the enigmatic VP candidate. Speculations are running wild, with names ranging from prominent political figures to literal unknowns.


Social media platforms have exploded with hashtags like #GuessTheGroper, #WE12 and #MysteryMisconduct, as people try to piece together clues. Conspiracy theories abound, with some suggesting that the allegations are part of a broader plot to influence the 2024 election. "We've never seen anything like this before," said a political analyst. "It's the first time accusations have been made against a person who doesn't even exist yet. It's a bold new chapter in American politics."


In a move that shocked even his most ardent supporters, President Trump tweeted, "I haven't picked anyone yet, but I can tell you, he's a great guy. Or maybe it's a woman. Or a dog. We'll see. But believe me, the accusations are fake news."


Meanwhile, the alleged victims are preparing for a potential court battle. "We're ready to testify against him, or her, or it," said another accuser. "We've already started therapy sessions, which are open to all possible future victims of hypothetical assaults."


Legal experts are scratching their heads at the case, with one prominent attorney stating, "It's like trying to sue Santa Claus for breaking and entering. You can't arrest someone who hasn't been picked, let alone named."


As the country waits with bated breath for Trump to finally unveil his Vice Presidential selection, one thing is certain: Whoever it is, they better have a good lawyer and an even better alibi for events that may or may not have happened.


Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story as we continue to chase leads and uncover the truth behind these very serious allegations. In the meantime, brace yourselves for the most unpredictable election season yet.


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