The British don’t like the name "Gulf of America" because it reminds them of two things they’ve been avoiding for centuries: America and freedom.

In what is being hailed as one of his boldest moves yet, Donald Trump signed an executive order renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. While Americans across the nation toasted with patriotic beverages, the United Kingdom promptly announced it would refuse to recognize the new name. The UK, called the renaming “a provocative insult to international norms.”
Trump himself weighed in during a press conference held on a yacht floating in the newly-minted Gulf of America. “It’s a beautiful name. Tremendous. The best name, really,” he said. “Mexico’s great, but they’ve had their turn, folks. America deserves its own Gulf. It’s gonna be huge. And frankly, it’s about time someone told the Brits: You don’t own the water. You lost that privilege in 1776, remember?”
UK Protests Fall Flat
The UK’s refusal to recognize the name change quickly became a source of humor on social media. "Oh no, the UK disapproves," joked one American commenter. "Better go fetch the nearest musket and remind them how little we care."
The UK, in a dramatic response, tried to play hardball. Prime Minister Rishi Sunak announced a countermeasure: renaming the Atlantic Ocean to the "Great British Sea." The announcement was accompanied by a ceremonial dumping of imported Lipton tea into the Thames River, which environmentalists said killed all marine life within a 50-mile radius.
“First, they tried to rename Burma to Myanmar. Then, they renamed Bombay to Mumbai. And now they want to rename the Atlantic? Sorry, but we don’t recognize their name changes either,” said Trump. “Frankly, I’ve always called it Bombay Sapphire gin and will continue to do so. Period.”
Cutting Off the UK’s Allowance
Trump also noted the absurdity of Britain’s protests given how much the U.S. has propped them up over the years. “Since 1946, we’ve given the UK $69.5 billion in foreign aid. I mean, do they want to talk about gratitude? We saved them in two world wars. You’re welcome!” Trump said, pulling out a comically oversized chart labeled “Aid to Ungrateful Countries.”
The president also suggested cutting off aid entirely and redirecting it to Texas to build more Whataburgers on the Gulf of America coast. “The UK is basically the kid we gave lunch money to for decades, and now they want to criticize what we name our cafeteria? Unbelievable.”
Trump even floated the idea of massive tariffs on British exports, like tea, crumpets, and the occasional Hugh Grant movie. “The United Kingdom will learn quickly that they don’t get to boss around the country that invented freedom, cheeseburgers, and reality TV,” he declared.
A Woke Kingdom in Crisis
Adding insult to injury, Trump went on to critique the UK’s modern state. “Britain isn’t Britain anymore. It’s like Woke Disney Land over there—full of safe spaces, weak politicians, and they’re even banning knives while crime skyrockets. Weak leadership. Sad!” He went on to suggest the name “United Kingdom of Wokeistan" would be more fitting.
Meanwhile, woke activists in the UK labeled Trump’s renaming “offensive, imperialistic, and deeply triggering,” with one protestor reportedly fainting at the mere mention of the word "America." However, one critic shot back, “They’ve got drag queen story hour in Buckingham Palace, politicians who need to ask France for permission to sneeze, and a royal family more focused on Netflix deals than running the country. The place is an absolute disaster.” Another added, “If anyone’s offended by a name change, maybe Britain should look in the mirror. They renamed entire continents without losing a wink of sleep—now they can’t handle one Gulf being rebranded? Spare us.”
The Gulf of America Takes Off
Despite the UK’s objections, the renaming is already taking hold in the U.S. Patriotic merchandise reading “Gulf of America—We Took It Back!” has reportedly sold out on Trump’s online store, and Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida announced plans to host a Gulf of America Freedom Fishing Competition, where the winner will get to rename another Mexican landmark.
As the controversy continues, Trump has already hinted at future plans. “We’re looking into renaming the Pacific Ocean to the ‘Freedom Pond.’ I think people will love it. Except China, but when did they ever like anything I did?”
As Trump wrapped up his remarks aboard his yacht, he offered a final jab at the UK: “Listen, we love the Brits. We do. But they need to stop pretending they’re in charge. Gulf of America is here to stay, and if they don’t like it, they can go swim in their little puddle they call the English Channel. Or should I say the America-Adjacent Bay?”
For now, the Gulf of America stands as another testament to America’s unshakable patriotism and Britain’s ever-dwindling relevance. And as Trump so eloquently put it: “If they don’t like it, they can go rename Scotland. Oh wait, we won't recognize that either.”
Disclaimer:
This article is satire, written with the goal of humorizing a bizarre and lighthearted situation. Its purpose is to highlight the irony and hypocrisy in the United Kingdom’s criticism of the United States renaming the Gulf of Mexico, while poking fun at Britain’s long history of imperialism and map-altering tendencies. It’s a reminder for our British friends to focus on their own challenges rather than meddling in American affairs. This piece is meant to entertain, not offend—so let’s all share a laugh and keep the tea where it belongs: in the harbor.
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