Trump: Making Canada great again by making it America
WASHINGTON, D.C.— In what some political analysts are calling a "bold and unprecedented move" and others are calling "peak Trump," the Trump administration has announced a proposal to make Canada the 51st state of the United States. The announcement came after a reportedly tense yet hilarious Mar-a-Lago meeting between President Donald Trump and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. According to insiders, the meeting ended with Trump declaring, “If you can’t handle running your own country without ripping us off to the tune of $100 billion a year, then congratulations—you’re part of America now. You’re welcome!”
Trudeau, visibly stunned, reportedly muttered, “Uh…excusez-moi?” as Trump handed him a red hat that read, “Make Canada Great Again…By Joining Us.” Sources claim Trump followed up with a hearty laugh, patting Trudeau on the back, and saying, “Don’t worry, Justin—you’d make a terrific governor. Way better than Newsom.”
Tariffs, Hockey, and Maple Syrup
The announcement comes after years of escalating trade disputes, with Trump accusing Canada of unfair tariffs on American goods, particularly dairy products, lumber, and “whatever else you guys think you can get away with.” In his characteristic style, Trump tweeted:
“Canada has been ripping us off for YEARS. Billions in tariffs. Sad! I’m saving America. Justin—time to step up, buddy. Welcome to the U.S.A. #51stState #MAGA”
In response, Trudeau attempted to diplomatically defuse the situation, stating, “Canada values its sovereignty, but we also value our trade relationship with the U.S.” However, Trump wasn’t finished. “Sovereignty? That’s cute. Just wait until you see what we do to your healthcare system. No one will even notice it’s gone—it’s the same thing we did with the CFL,” Trump reportedly quipped.
“All the Best Stuff, None of the Bad Stuff”
In his pitch to Canadians, Trump promised that becoming the 51st state would bring countless benefits:
Free refills: Trump claimed this is something Canadians have been "begging for."
Gun rights: “Every Canadian gets a complimentary AR-15 with their citizenship packet. You’re welcome.”
Elimination of the metric system: “No one understands your kilometers and kilograms. It’s time for freedom units.”
Better sports teams: “We’re relocating the New York Jets to Saskatchewan. They’ll fit right in.”
To sweeten the deal, Trump also announced plans to build “The Northern Wall” along the new border with Alaska, aimed at keeping polar bears from entering the continental U.S. uninvited. “We love polar bears, but they’ve got to come in legally,” Trump clarified.
Trudeau as Governor?
While some Canadians expressed outrage at the idea, others were intrigued—particularly at the prospect of Justin Trudeau serving as the governor of "New Canada." When asked about the proposal, Trump allegedly said, “Trudeau’s a natural. He’s good-looking, great with hair gel, and he’s already a pro at wearing socks that don’t match. He’ll fit right in with our governors. Except he might be too good for California.”
Rumors suggest that Trudeau countered with a proposal to make Trump wear Canadian tuxedos—denim jackets and jeans—while visiting. Trump reportedly responded, “Denim on denim? That’s how I used to roll in the ’80s! Great idea. Tremendous.”
A Divided Nation
The announcement has sparked fierce debate across Canada and the U.S. Canadians are split between embracing their American overlords or holding onto their “polite independence.” Meanwhile, American citizens have begun wondering whether adding Canada could lead to free healthcare for all—or at least free maple syrup.
“I’m just here for the Tim Hortons,” one American enthusiast commented. “If they throw that in, I’m all for it.”
What’s Next?
While the proposal is unlikely to gain any real traction, Trump remains undeterred. “We’re not stopping with Canada. Mexico? You’re next,” he declared during a rally in Texas.
In a final tweet, Trump concluded, “Canada, get ready. America is coming, and we’re bringing the Constitution, Costco memberships, and Chick-fil-A. Justin, call me when you’re ready to negotiate your new state flag. We’ll even let you keep the maple leaf—but only if it’s red, white, and blue.”
And with that, history—or something vaguely resembling it—was made.
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