Somewhere deep within the wild, uncharted territory of Democratic Leadership, where anything is possible—Joe Biden has added a new concept: “Take Your Spouse to Work Day.” And what a day it was! Forget the typical “bring your spouse to work” where they silently admire your cubicle and steal your snacks. No, no. This is the Biden version—where the First Lady not only comes to the office, but she runs it, while the President settles in for what appears to be his third nap of the day.
Cabinet? Jill's Got This.
As the press huddled in the White House on the fine morning of “Bring Your Spouse to Work Day,” you could almost hear the collective shuffle of confusion. Who was running the country, you ask? Why, Dr. Jill of course!
President Joe Biden, always the trailblazer, decided that running the free world is a two-person job—and by that, we mean Jill does most of the heavy lifting while Joe enjoys a well-deserved retirement while still in office. Naturally, this bold new concept kicked off with Jill presiding over the 2024 White House Cabinet meeting. Kamala Harris? Busy looking for her misplaced presidential ambitions, perhaps.
As Joe graciously handed the mic to his spouse after a brief two-minute mumble fest that could best be described as “I love my wife, Congress should fund something, now nap time,” Jill hit the ground running—probably faster than Joe has all year.
Putin, Zelensky, and Jill?
But why stop at mere domestic matters? Word on the street is that Jill might also be tackling international diplomacy next. According to some “highly reliable” sources (i.e., the guy at Starbucks), Jill Biden will soon handle peace talks between Russia and Ukraine. Apparently, what the world needs right now is not international sanctions or complex military strategy, but a woman’s touch. After all, what’s more effective than negotiating world peace in the same way one handles a PTA meeting gone wrong?
Forget about the Secretary of State—he’s probably on vacation with Joe at this point. If you’ve got geopolitical tension, call in Jill. It’s about time someone had the courage to tell Putin, “You need to use your words, not your tanks.”
Democracy? Yeah, We'll Get to That Later
Now, you might be thinking, “Wait, wasn’t Joe Biden elected President? And Kamala, isn’t she the VP?” Ah, silly you, thinking democracy works the way it’s advertised. Apparently, somewhere between Executive Orders and excessive ice cream consumption, Jill Biden became the most powerful first lady in over a century. Who needs elections when you’ve got binders of talking points and oversized glasses?
Speaking of Kamala, you might be wondering where she was while Jill was running the show. Rumor has it she’s busy puppet training for her upcoming role as President, now that the Democratic Party has politely nudged Joe out of the 2024 race, citing his ongoing “cognitive vacation.” It’s not easy for Kamala, though. Between keeping track of how many times Joe forgets her name and wondering if Jill needs a new Chief of Staff, she’s got her hands full.
What the Hell is Going On?
Republicans and Democrats alike took to social media to express their befuddlement. Steve Cortes, a former Trump advisor, tweeted the question we’ve all been asking: “Who is running the country?”
Former Representative Scott Taylor chimed in, noting the absurdity of a First Lady chairing a Presidential Cabinet meeting. “What the Hell is going on?” Well, Scott, we’re not sure. But we think it involves an “Unofficial First Lady Administration,” an extra side of confusion, and a President who hasn’t been seen in Washington for more than two days in a row since 2022.
Conclusion: Welcome to the New White House
So here we are, folks. In the land of endless paradoxes, where Joe Biden is President, except when Jill Biden decides to fill in. It’s like Bring Your Child to Work Day, except the child is running the entire corporation, and no one seems particularly bothered. Who’s next? Will Champ the dog be appointed Secretary of Defense? Can someone please check if Major is in charge of border security?
As the Biden Administration navigates its final stretch, one thing is clear: the White House has never been more... well, democratic if by “democratic” we mean “run by whoever happens to be in the building that day.” And who knows? Maybe next week we’ll have “Bring Your Goldfish to Work Day.” Stranger things have happened.
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