In what historians are now calling “The Homan Effect,” millions of undocumented immigrants are scrambling for the exits after news broke that President-Elect Trump appointed Tom Homan as the new “Border Czar.” The news spread faster than a Black Friday sale at Walmart. Reports from coast to coast—and everywhere in between—show a mass exodus of immigrants leaving America in record numbers.
Homan's appointment was announced on Sunday, and by Monday morning, strange shapes started to appear on meteorologists' radars. Weather forecasters initially reported it as a “coastal storm surge,” but after closer inspection, they realized it was actually the dust clouds kicked up by massive caravans of immigrants making a beeline out of the U.S.
“Packing Up Before They’re Packed Out”
From Detroit to Dallas, undocumented immigrants have started what experts are calling a “preemptive self-deportation,” where immigrants are preemptively leaving on their own terms before Homan’s determined grip takes hold. Maria Gonzalez, a resident of Los Angeles, told reporters, “I heard Tom Homan’s name, and I started packing before I even finished my coffee. I mean, it’s Homan—he doesn’t play around!”
South of the border, Homan’s legend has grown to mythic proportions. They call him El Jefe del Desalojo (“The Boss of Eviction”) or, more simply, El Grande Epilator (“The Big Exiler”). Some reports claim that several Mexican towns are even building walls of their own—but on their side—to make sure Homan doesn’t “come looking for anyone who didn’t get the memo.”
“Operation Wetback 2.0? No Need!”
By the time Trump and Homan officially take office, it’s projected that at least 30 million undocumented residents will have self-deported, leaving Homan in an odd predicament: he may end up being the first Border Czar in U.S. history to put himself out of a job.
The irony is that Homan won’t even need to invoke the Alien and Sedition Acts of 1798 or launch some version of Eisenhower’s Operation Wetback. No planes, no buses, no command teams would be required. All it took was a brief mention of his appointment on Truth Social to set off the single largest self-evacuation in American history.
“Weather Forecasters and Border Control Join Forces”
U.S. meteorologists are now partnering with Border Patrol to track these caravans across the nation, labeling them as “Flee Fronts.” A spokesperson from the National Weather Service warned, “Expect delays and heavy congestion in the southbound lanes along I-35 and I-10. If you’re trying to get to Mexico, plan for longer wait times than usual. There’s a bit of a self-deportation traffic jam.”
They’ve even coined a new weather term: the “Homan Thunder,” defined as a storm-like mass of people moving in sync out of one region due to a singular fear-inducing force. Traffic signs along the southern border have been updated to read, “Caution: Flee Line Ahead – Reduce Speed.”
Walls Going Up… Down South
Even more comically, whispers from Mexico suggest that they are, in fact, putting up their own wall. Not to keep Americans out, of course, but as an added security measure against any zealous overreach from Homan himself. Rumor has it, Mexican leaders have even issued honorary “Homan Deterrence Kits” to their citizens, consisting of quick disguise kits and cloaks with patterns that blend into desert landscapes.
“The goal,” said an anonymous official, “is to keep Homan out in case he decides to get creative and take his border mission international.”
Homan Responds: “I Didn’t Even Unpack Yet”
Homan himself, known for his tough-as-nails approach and unyielding stance on immigration, seemed almost amused by the phenomenon. “I haven’t even unpacked my bags, and they’re already gone!” he said with a chuckle during an appearance on 60 Minutes. “They say people vote with their feet—well, they’re practically sprinting out the door.”
Adding a final punchline, he continued, “The President-elect hired me to ‘clean house,’ but with these numbers, I may have to start vacuuming Canada instead.”
A Whole New World (Order)
As Americans settle into this new reality, Homan’s appointment is already being viewed as a success— Congress is allegedly drafting new legislation to memorialize this unprecedented act of “mass voluntary relocation,” perhaps establishing an annual “Homan Day” to celebrate the day millions fled before he even hit the border.
Only time will tell if the trend continues or if the “Homan Effect” is just the beginning of a new era. As for Homan, he’s already thinking ahead. “They might put me out of a job, but I’ll find new borders to police. Canada’s looking a little unregulated these days…”
And with that, Tom Homan strode off to wait for his first day of work—a day that might very well be the easiest job he’s ever had.
Disclaimer:
This article is a work of parody, created purely for humorous purposes. It is intended to highlight certain political and social issues through satire, not to disrespect anyone who has come to the United States seeking a better life. Immigration, as we’ve seen in recent years, involves a host of complex and often unforeseen consequences that affect both immigrants and American citizens. We believe it’s important to approach these challenges thoughtfully, acknowledging the difficult situations many face and advocating for solutions that work in everyone’s best interests.
Regarding Tom Homan: the portrayal here reflects his reputation as a man who gets results, not through force or malice, but through direct, no-nonsense action. Homan is respected not for being divisive or dangerous, but for his commitment to his role and his humane approach to difficult policies. While his words may at times be blunt, his actions aim to be both effective and compassionate.
Just watch the 1 minute video and you will see what I mean. Homan is the Boss!
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