Nothing says “Support the Troops” quite like forgetting to send them their absentee ballots. Yes, in a stroke of bureaucratic brilliance that no Hollywood screenwriter could dream up, the Pentagon has somehow managed to “misplace” the ballots to for thousands of active-duty military members. With Election Day just around the corner, the masterminds at the Department of Defense have apparently decided that voting is so last season—or at least not in season for the brave men and women deployed around the world defending those very rights.
Cue the dramatic music, because this is where things get good.
As GOP Representatives Mast, Huizenga, and Waltz blow the whistle on this latest snafu, it seems the Pentagon is experiencing a paper shortage… or perhaps a memory shortage. “Sorry, troops,” the message seems to read, “We didn’t know you’d actually want to vote! How silly of us.” It’s almost like someone in a corner office thought, “Hey, wouldn’t it be a hoot if we ‘accidentally’ ran out of ballots?”
Absentee Ballots: The Pentagon’s Newest Rare Collectible
Apparently, those absentee ballots are more precious than fine china, kept under lock and key, with only a handful available for a few select soldiers. Imagine the scene: soldiers queueing up at their base offices, only to be met with a sign that reads, “Out of Stock. Better Luck Next Election!”
It’s like some cruel raffle where the prize is basic democratic participation—and sorry, service members, you didn’t win this time. Republican lawmakers say the Pentagon is providing “inadequate education” on voting from deployment. Translation? “Here’s your gun, here’s your helmet, but don’t expect a voting guide or, you know, an actual ballot.”
Meanwhile, Down in Florida: Ballot Drop-Off, Literally
Adding an extra dose of chaos to the whole affair, a Miami-Dade County elections employee evidently took the concept of “ballot drop-off” to a whole new level. After forgetting to lock the back of their truck, they left a trail of ballots along Miami’s roads like breadcrumbs from a voter fairy tale. The sealed bin and bag containing early voting ballots fell out of the truck, only to be discovered by baffled residents who dutifully returned them to the police. But no harm done, right? It was just an “unintentional human error,” according to officials. The employee, who may just hold the world record for “Fastest Termination Due to a Voting Snafu,” was swiftly shown the door.
With such stellar oversight, it’s almost like they’re aiming to make “losing ballots” a new Olympic sport. Between the Pentagon’s missing ballots for deployed troops and Florida’s “ballots on the loose” extravaganza, one has to wonder if anyone in charge actually remembers what voting is.
Vote Now: Optional for You, But Vital for Us!
Adding to the absurdity, this is the same administration that has turned “election integrity” into a national obsession, filing lawsuits, issuing grand proclamations, and pouring millions into states like Georgia and Virginia to defend democracy at all costs. Except, apparently, when it comes to our troops overseas. Because why let a little thing like their right to vote get in the way of all that PR?
Rep. Brian Mast’s reaction was fitting: “Unacceptable.” That’s one word for it. Perhaps “farce” or “tragicomedy” would be more accurate. It seems democracy is a priority right up until the moment it requires logistical follow-through. “Whoops!” says Uncle Sam, “I forgot about the military. My bad!”
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris: Protecting the Battlefield by Pretending It’s Empty
Meanwhile, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly claimed during a recent debate that “no active service members are on the battlefield.” Oh, well, that clears things up! Apparently, if you just deny that troops are serving in combat zones, you don’t have to worry about their absentee ballots. A strategic stroke of genius! It’s like saying, “If we don’t look at it, maybe it’ll disappear.”
And who could forget President Biden himself, whose administration is laser-focused on democracy—just maybe not for the people actually defending it. Between the election lawsuits, the international diplomacy, and the occasional ice cream cone, who has time to remember the soldiers? Certainly not the Commander-in-Chief.
Is This a Plot, Incompetence, or the Next Big Reality TV Show?
As Election Day looms and the absentee ballots fail to appear, Americans are left with an uncomfortable question: if the Pentagon can’t even get ballots to the troops, how can we be sure they can protect our service members on the battlefield—or for that matter, the citizens back home?
Summary
One thing’s clear: whether this is bureaucratic blundering or a thinly veiled attempt to control the vote, the Biden-Harris administration’s approach to democracy is alarming. If this is the best they can do, it’s laughable. And if there’s more at play… heaven help us all.
Comments