top of page

the elephant's Den

Writer's pictureThe Elephant

PARODY (Woke Edition): Coffee Shops Percolate Controversy: 'Black Coffee' Gets a New Name.



Coffee enthusiasts nationwide are frothing at the mouth as several cafes have decided to remove the term 'black coffee' from their menus, deeming it potentially insensitive. 


This bold move has brewed a mixture of confusion among patrons and has stirred up a steamy debate over political correctness in the coffee industry. The change is led by the group Politically Correct Percolations (PCP), who argue that every part of the coffee experience should be inclusive and welcoming. “It’s not just about the drink, it’s about the message we're sending,” insists Emma Bean, 


the founder of PCP. Instead of 'black coffee,' menus will now feature terms like 'Classic Brew' and 'Plain Pour. 'The shift has received mixed reactions from the public. "I didn't think ordering a coffee could become a teachable moment," grumbled Java enthusiast Michael Goodman, after a barista spent several minutes explaining the new coffee lexicon. 


Meanwhile, coffee shop walls are now adorned with infographics like "Decoding Your Decaf," a guide to understanding the revamped menu. The new names have sparked a social media uproar, with #BringBackBlackCoffee trending across platforms. Internet users have been quick to roast the change/


Not everyone sees the update as grounds for complaint. Influencer Betty NoMe praised the initiative: "It’s a refreshing update to our daily grind. Who says coffee culture can’t evolve?" 


Starbucks has also weighed in, carefully stirring the pot with a statement about their commitment to making everyone feel welcome, which may or may not include revising their own coffee descriptions. “We are considering all perspectives to ensure our stores remain a place where everyone feels included, right down to the menu,” a representative commented, over the gentle hum of espresso machines.


As this controversy continues to percolate, coffee shops are navigating this new terrain. Will these changes stick, or will they dissolve like sugar in a hot cup of joe? Only time—and perhaps the next coffee order—will tell.


4 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page