In an upbeat briefing today, the White House Press Secretary announced a milestone achievement in what she described as the thriving "Bidenomics" economy: Americans are now proudly working more than they did while under the Trump administration.
“Let’s be clear, this is a historic doubling down on employment. Americans are so employed right now, that many of them have two jobs,” the Press Secretary gleamed before a confused room of journalists. She hailed this as a clear improvement, explaining, “When you think about it, two is better than one—that’s just math. It’s about having diverse income streams. In this economy, why settle for one job when you can juggle two?”
Economic analysts were quick to interpret this data. “It’s a new era of prosperity,” said one government economist, who asked to remain anonymous as he rushed between his day job at the Treasury and night shifts as an Uber driver. “You know, it really energizes your day knowing you have a whole other job to look forward to. Who needs downtime when you can have uptime, all the time?”
Not everyone agreed with the narrative. Some called this new standard concerning, suggesting that needing two jobs to maintain a basic standard of living might not indicate economic health. However, the Press Secretary dismissed these critics. "They just don’t understand advanced economics," she chided. "More jobs mean more experience."
A moment of contention arose when a skeptical journalist suggested that the surge in employment figures might only reflect an increase in part-time jobs rather than genuine economic growth. The Press Secretary appeared puzzled. "I'm not sure I follow your point," she responded, adjusting her glasses. "If people are working more part-time jobs, that means they're engaging in more parts of the economy. It's participatory economics! Why have one full job when you can have multiple part-time experiences? It’s as much about quantity as it is about quality."
Secretary Jean-Pierre doubled down further, and claimed enthusiastically, “Remember, two is always better than one. If having one job is good, then having two is great, and having three must be fantastic! It's simple math. More jobs equal more of everything good. It’s the very essence of Bidenomics—always moving, always hustling!” The room fell silent, except for the sound of scribbling pens and stifled chuckles.
The Secretary continued to illustrate the success of Bidenomics with several colorful anecdotes, including the story of a former single-jobber who now enjoys employment as both a barista and a freelance dog walker. “Under previous administrations, Sarah only had one source of income. Now, thanks to the robust economy, she’s monetizing her afternoon walks too. Talk about synergy!”
As the press conference concluded, the Press Secretary reminded those assembled that under Bidenomics, the glass is always half full—especially when you’re holding two glasses.
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