In an unprecedented blaze of glory, California's once-thriving cannabis industry is reportedly puff-puff-passing into the sunset. The latest victim, Doober’s Delight, has wilted under the pressure of the state’s staggering 42% Doobie Tax. CEO Cheech Marin, a famed advocate of stress-free snacking and low taxation, cited the excessive levy as the root of all toke troubles.
“When the tax hit 42%, man, I knew we were in for a bad trip," Marin lamented, while casually sharing a joint and a gluten-free pizza with Tommy Chong, his right-hand man and CFO of the now-bankrupt bud business. “It’s like, how are we supposed to keep the good vibes rolling when the man is hashing our mellow with these taxes?”
Observers, still reeling from the high of the news, have noted several warning signs that the industry was heading for a burnout. Among them, a recent statewide shortage of rolling papers and an influx of senior citizens at dispensaries, mistaking CBD oil for their usual bingo prizes.
Doober's Delight, known for strains like "Giggly Grandpa" and "Couch-Lock Connoisseur," tried various strategies to keep their joint jumping, including loyalty programs with points redeemable for tie-dye face masks and hemp-infused hand sanitizer. Unfortunately, these efforts were not enough to keep the lights on—or the lava lamps glowing.
"We thought about switching to edibles exclusively," Chong added, squinting through a smoke-filled room. "But the last time we baked brownies, we forgot them in the oven. It was, like, totally a bummer, man."
As for the future, Marin and Chong are contemplating a shift to a more sustainable business model, potentially growing organic munchies for their gluten-sensitive clientele. “Yeah, dude, like maybe gluten-free cannabis cookies that help you fly high without the gluten crash, you know?” Chong mused, passing the peace pipe.
Meanwhile, California lawmakers are reportedly scratching their heads, wondering why the cannabis cash flow has dried up like a neglected houseplant. Some suggest a congressional sit-in, where legislators will hotbox the Capitol to fully understand the plight of the modern pot purveyor.
In the meantime, Marin remains optimistic, viewing bankruptcy as just another step in the cosmic dance of entrepreneurial enlightenment. “It’s like, one door closes, another opens, man. Far out, right? Just keep on truckin'.”
As they face these budding challenges, Marin remains ever the optimist, showing us that even when your business goes up in smoke, you can still stay lit.
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