Ever since the swinging 60s, humanity has been on a roll with doomsday predictions. We’ve jumped from one apocalyptic lily pad to another, and here’s the kicker—none of them happened. But who’s keeping score? Certainly not the future-predicting moguls who've made quite a livelihood out of scaring everyone silly. For nostalgia's sake, let's revisit our favorite failed prophecies:
1960s: “Oil is Running Out—And This Time We Mean It!”
Experts in bell-bottoms and love beads solemnly declared that the world would run out of oil by the groovy 70s. Spoiler: It didn't. Cars are still clogging up highways, and your weird uncle keeps investing in oil stocks.
1970s: “Welcome to the New Ice Age—Grab Your Parkas!”
Remember when scientists warned that bell-bottoms wouldn't just be unfashionable but also impractical for the impending eternal winter? Well, the snowball Earth never came, but hey, the fear made for excellent TV specials.
1980s: “Acid Rain to Melt Crops and Maybe That Ugly Statue in Your Town Square!”
The 80s were supposed to see the end of agriculture, courtesy of acid rain. Instead, the only things that got destroyed were cassette tapes left on car dashboards in the summer.
1990s: “Ozone Layer to Disappear—Better Stock Up on SPF 5000”
In the 90s, we were told to say goodbye to the ozone layer. Fortunately, the ozone layer stuck around because it wasn’t quite ready to miss the premiere of "Friends."
2000s: “Y2K Bug to End Civilization—Hide Your Tamagotchis!”
When the millennium bug threatened all technology, the biggest tragedy predicted was the potential loss of digital pets. Turns out, the Tamagotchis survived—unlike the panic itself.
2020s Recap: Nothing Happened, Except Taxes Went Up and Everyone Got More Anxious
Fast forward to today, and the tradition of apocalyptic prophecies lives on stronger than ever. The only consistent result? Higher taxes and a booming market for anxiety meds.
2035: Al Gore’s New Prediction—Earth Meltdown at 10:15 AM, Right After His Almond Latte
In an exclusive interview, Al Gore, dressed in a robe and armed with a crystal ball, revealed his latest prediction. "Watch out for 2035, folks. At exactly 10:12 AM, after I've finished my sustainable almond milk latte, the Earth will officially start melting. I've seen it in a vision—or maybe it was just my old campaign videos playing in the background; they always get me all worked up."
So there you have it. If history has taught us anything, it’s that the only true catastrophes are tax season and running out of coffee. Meanwhile, we'll keep our calendars marked for 2035, just in case this time it’s for real. But you might want to hold off on cancelling your 10:30 AM brunch plans.
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