SACRAMENTO, CA—In a move hailed as both progressive and utterly perplexing, the State of California has proposed a ban on offensive terms commonly used in real estate, with "landlord" being at the top of the list. According to Governor Gavin Newsom, the term "landlord" has been deemed too triggering and exclusive, and will henceforth be replaced with the more inclusive and less oppressing term, "space sharers."
"This is a momentous step forward in our quest for linguistic equity," declared Governor Newsom during a press conference, barely suppressing his excitement. "Words matter, and it's high time we recognize the inherent harm perpetuated by terms like 'landlord.' From now on, anyone who owns property and rents it out shall be referred to as a 'space sharer.' It's not just about rebranding, it's about creating a more inclusive society where everyone feels valued, even if they're charging exorbitant rent for a studio apartment."
The proposal has sparked both praise and confusion across the state, with some applauding California's commitment to progressive language reform, while others are left scratching their heads wondering what exactly a "space sharer" is.
"I'm all for progress, but this is just plain ridiculous," remarked San Francisco resident, Trevor McMillan. "I mean, what's next? Are we going to call car owners 'road custodians' and pet owners 'animal cohabitants'? It's like they're trying to make everything sound as mundane and bureaucratic as possible."
In addition to the ban on "landlord," the proposal also includes a list of other offensive terms to be replaced with more inclusive alternatives:
"Tenant" will now be referred to as "domicile dweller"
"Rent" will be known as "occupancy compensation"
"Eviction" shall henceforth be called "space liberation"
"Lease agreement" will be "temporal habitation contract"
"Property management" will be "space stewardship"
While the proposal is still in its early stages, some Californians are already embracing the new terminology with enthusiasm. "I'm proud to be a space sharer," declared Beverly Hills resident, Penelope Hargrove, while sipping her artisanal avocado latte. "It's a much more dignified title than "landlord." Plus, it sounds like I'm contributing to the greater good by simply existing in this space and generously allowing others to share it with me—for a hefty fee, of course."
As the debate rages on, one thing is certain: California remains at the forefront of linguistic innovation, boldly forging ahead into a future where even the most mundane aspects of life are subjected to relentless rebranding in the name of progress.
Whether the rest of the country will follow suit or simply roll their eyes and go about their business remains to be seen. But for now, let us raise a glass to the brave pioneers of the Golden State, where even the humble act of renting out a spare room is an opportunity for social revolution.
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