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the elephant's Den

Writer's pictureThe Elephant

PARODY: Shock and Awe: George Stephanopoulos Comes Clean as a Closet Trump Supporter, Blames Short Stature for Career of 'Tall' Tales".

In what might be the most bewildering plot twist of the decade, George Stephanopoulos, a figure as synonymous with ABC as bad coffee in the break room, has declared his allegiance not to the alphabet network, but to the alphabet of 'MAGA'.


In a tear-soaked confession that has sent ripples through every latte in every liberal newsroom, Stephanopoulos revealed his unwavering support for Donald Trump, tracing the roots of his deception back to the one thing he believes has unfairly anchored his journalistic credibility: his height.


Standing tall (figuratively) at 4 feet 7 inches, Stephanopoulos claims his stature made it difficult to be taken seriously in the giant-sized world of political punditry. "You think Wolf Blitzer would have this problem?" Stephanopoulos posited, wiping away a tear with a custom-made, extra-small handkerchief. "When you're eye level with the news desk, people only listen to you if you're speaking in headlines."


According to Stephanopoulos, his career was a 'compensatory cascade of fabrications', where each lie was bigger than the last, much like his ever-increasing platform shoes. "The bigger the lie, the bigger the contract," he confessed. "It was like a game of Truth or Dare, except there was no truth, and the only dare was whether I'd stand on a box or a stack of phone books during live interviews."


When pressed about his sudden public embrace of Trump, Stephanopoulos sighed deeply, his voice quivering with emotion—or perhaps it was the strain of standing on his tiptoes. "It's simple, really. Trump loves America. And, between you and me," he leaned in, lowering his voice, "I have a thing for red hats. They're like vertical stripes; they make me look taller."


The reaction from the left was a mix of disbelief, anger, and existential dread. One unnamed CNN anchor was reportedly so upset that he threw his own shoes out of a window, declaring he'd never stand for anything less than six feet again.


Meanwhile, Trump has welcomed Stephanopoulos's support with open arms and an open Twitter account, tweeting, "Welcome, Little George, to the big league of truth. Height is nothing but a number—especially when it's electoral."


In the aftermath of the revelation, sales of red hats have seen a curious spike among men under 5 feet, and ABC is rumored to be considering a new show, "Good Morning, America—How Tall Are We Really?" where every episode features Stephanopoulos standing next to different objects to provide viewers a fun, interactive guess on his height.


As for Stephanopoulos, he's just happy to be out of the height closet. "Now, I can stop lying

about my views and start lying about my insecurities," he quipped, a twinkle in his eye suggesting that perhaps, in the world of fake news, the truth isn't so far out of reach. After all, it's only a step-ladder away.


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