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PARODY: Nancy Pelosi Caught in Student Loan Scandal, Advises Husband to "Get the family in on the Forgiveness Action".

Writer's picture: The ElephantThe Elephant

In an unexpected twist to the ongoing insider trading investigations swirling around Nancy Pelosi, audiotapes reveal the former House Speaker strategizing not on stocks or bonds, but on student loans.


Sources close to the investigation played a recording for reporters in which Pelosi is heard instructing her husband, Paul Pelosi, to take out a staggering $5 million in student loans. "Why the hell should I be taking out student loans?" a baffled Paul asked, understandably confused since his college days were roughly half a century ago.


Nancy's response was simple, yet shockingly candid: "Just trust me, honey. I just sat through a three-hour meeting where everyone nodded off, but woke up just in time to agree on forgiving $1.6 trillion in student debt." Nancy assured Paul that their timing couldn't be better. "It's like an all-you-can-forgive buffet, and we've just been handed the platinum plate."  Nancy also instructed Paul to call their their five children. "Paul, darling, just make sure you tell the kids to max out their student loans too," Nancy is heard saying on the recording with the giddy excitement of a prospector who just hit pay dirt. "It’s a family affair!"


According to the tapes, Nancy's advice was straightforward: "Look, we need to diversify our portfolio of scandals. Insider trading is so 2020. Let’s get with the times and ride the student debt forgiveness wave."


As Nancy outlined her plan, Paul's hesitation was understandable, possibly because he was busy Googling 'How old is too old for student loans?' and 'Can I get campus housing at 82?' Yet, Nancy was persistent, her voice filled with the excitement of someone who just found a loophole in the Matrix. "Think about it, Paul. This could be our golden ticket."


The call ended with Nancy reminding Paul to "hurry up and get this done" before signing off with a tender, "Love you, mean it, don't forget to submit your FAFSA."




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