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MUSING: Michael Cohen's Circus Act: From Disbarred Lawyer to Star Witness

Writer's picture: The ElephantThe Elephant

Updated: May 30, 2024

New York, NY – In the latest episode of "The Michael Cohen Show," formerly known as the American legal system, we find our protagonist, Michael Cohen, once again taking center stage. Cohen, who has amassed more federal felonies than a Netflix crime drama, is now the star witness in the ongoing legal saga against former President Donald Trump.


Act I: The Disbarred Lawyer

Our story begins with Michael Cohen, a lawyer so skilled that he managed to collect five counts of tax evasion, bank fraud, campaign finance violations, and perjury before both a court and Congress. These charges could collectively land someone in prison for 90 years. However, Cohen, ever the Houdini of the legal world, wriggled his way out with a mere three-year sentence, of which he served just 13 months. Why? Because the show must go on, and Cohen had a role to play: the key witness against Trump.


Act II: Probation Shenanigans

As part of his probation, Cohen was supposed to assist a law office. Instead, he pulled off an encore performance, falsifying records and lying to a judge about his probation activities. Clearly, the man has a talent for perjury, and like any seasoned performer, he knows how to keep his audience guessing. Despite these new acts of deceit, authorities decided to hold off on prosecuting him further, waiting to see how he performed against Trump.


Act III: The Testimony

Enter the courtroom, where Cohen takes the stand. The prosecution’s entire case hinges on a phone call Cohen claims to have made to Trump’s head of security, linking Trump to hush money payments. But plot twist! During a blistering cross-examination, Cohen crumbles faster than a cookie in milk. Trump's defense attorney reveals that on the night Cohen allegedly made the incriminating call, he was actually busy dealing with prank calls from a 14-year-old. In a moment of courtroom drama worthy of an Emmy, Cohen admits, “I'm not certain that's accurate,” as the call logs clearly show he never spoke to Trump.


Act IV: The Ridiculous Finale

So here we are, with the prosecution’s star witness—a man convicted of enough crimes to start his own crime syndicate—floundering under the pressure of a competent cross-examination. The fact that Cohen is the linchpin in the case against Trump is not just laughable; it’s a full-blown farce. Picture this: a courtroom filled with serious faces trying to keep a straight face as Cohen’s testimony unravels like a cheap sweater.


As the trial drags on, one can’t help but wonder if this is less about justice and more about putting on a good show. And like any good circus, there’s no shortage of clowns.

Stay tuned for the next episode of “The Michael Cohen Show,” where truth is stranger than fiction, and the line between comedy and tragedy is blurrier than Cohen’s recollection of events.

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