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PARODY: Governor Noem Discovers Her Dog Is a Democrat in Explosive New Memoir Revelation.

Writer's picture: The ElephantThe Elephant

Updated: May 8, 2024

Partisan Paws: Governor Noem Admits to Shooting Dog Over Its 'Left-Wing' Licking


In an explosive chapter from her upcoming memoir, South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem reveals that her late dog, Cricket, was not just a problematic pet but potentially a card-carrying Democrat. The revelation has sent shockwaves through both political and pet-loving circles, reshaping the narrative surrounding Noem's controversial decision to euthanize the animal twenty years ago.


In her book, titled Right Wing, Wrong Bark, Governor Noem details regarding Cricket's behavior that led her to question the dog's political leanings. "I knew something was up when he chewed through my Constitution display," Noem writes. "But when he looked away every time Fox News came on TV, I couldn't ignore the signs anymore."


According to Noem, the evidence was overwhelming: Cricket enjoyed free healthcare, never worried about his next meal, and had a comfortable living situation—all on Noem's dime. "He even tried to unionize the cat," she recalls, suggesting that the dog's entitlement didn't stop with social security.


Perhaps most damning was the incident involving a living room rug and a particularly political pile of poop. "He defecated right there under the portrait of Ronald Reagan," Noem states. "And had the audacity to blame it on George Bush."


Further compounding her suspicions was Cricket's disregard for her right to bear arms. "The final straw was when he started barking during my NRA meetings. If he could talk, I swear he'd be debating me on gun control," she laments in her memoir.


Cricket's purported political stance has sparked a flurry of reactions, with conservative pet owners across the nation reporting similar suspicions about their own animals. "It's made me look at my goldfish differently," commented one concerned citizen.


Governor Noem hopes her book will serve as a cautionary tale for politically-conscious pet owners. "It's vital to recognize the signs early," she advises. "You might think they're just chasing their tails, but they could be running left."


As the book release approaches, the political and animal rights communities are braced for more tales of bipartisan pet ownership. Meanwhile, satirists and social media commentators are having a field day, with memes featuring politically-affiliated pets proliferating online.


"Whether Cricket was a Democrat or just a very naughty dog, one thing's clear," Noem concludes in her memoir, "in politics, as in pet ownership, expect the unexpected."

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