ATLANTA, GA— In a groundbreaking display of election strategy, Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis has reportedly skipped the traditional campaign debate in favor of attending an exclusive cocktail party, where the only thing being debated is whether to have Grey Goose or Bombay Sapphire.
Willis, whose approach to re-election is as clear as the vodka she prefers, cited "unavoidable conflicts of interest" with being in the same room as her political opponents, unless that room also has a bartender. The DA's office released a statement early this week about Willis’ trailblazing decision to mingle over martinis instead of mixing it up at the debate. "Why waste time on politics when you can politic over a nice, stiff drink?" the statement proposed.
According to campaign insiders, Willis has adopted a bold new slogan: "Vote for me—I have a better mixer to attend."Challenger Wise Smith, having been left at the podium, was reportedly seen practicing zingers and comebacks to an empty auditorium. "I had some great lines about fiscal responsibility and justice reform," Smith lamented to reporters. "But I guess now the only thing being reformed is the DA's taste in cocktails.
"Local voters have mixed feelings about the new campaign strategy. "I think it’s innovative," said one voter, who preferred to remain anonymous. "Nothing says leadership like choosing a networking event with a premium open bar over a public debate.
"The Atlanta Press Club, host of the forsaken debate, issued a rebuttal invitation for a televised mixology contest, suggesting that candidates could "shake or stir their way into the hearts of the electorate." Meanwhile, political analysts are busy debating whether Willis's no-show could set a new precedent. "If this catches on, we might see the next presidential debates replaced by a bartender competition," speculated one pundit.
Willis was last seen by reporters raising a glass from the back of a limousine, her campaign manager ensuring that every toast was on message. "Here’s to clarity, transparency, and a really good gin," she cheered, as the car sped off towards another undisclosed fundraising gala.
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