In a perplexing twist regarding former President Obama's residence, the much-coveted position of personal chef remains unfilled months after the unfortunate and mysterious drowning incident involving the previous chef.
While the role promises access to state-of-the-art kitchen appliances and an unlimited supply of organic arugula, potential applicants seem to be more concerned about the property's extensive—and evidently perilous—water features.
"We thought offering a six-figure salary and personal use of the presidential jet skis would be enticing," commented a spokesperson for the Obama household, slightly bewildered. "But it appears that chefs are less excited about water sports these days, especially after the... um, incident."
Rumors have circulated that the job posting, which now includes a new section titled 'Strong Swimming Skills Preferred,' has deterred even the most enthusiastic culinary experts. One anonymous Mi,' has deterred even the most enthusiastic culinary experts. One anonymous Michelin-starred chef noted, "I can fillet a fish with my eyes closed, but swimming? That wasn't covered in my Blue Fin Tuna training."
In an effort to attract more candidates, the job description has been updated to include "complimentary floaties" and a "personal lifeguard" during working hours. Additionally, the position offers comprehensive swimming taught by former US Olympians.
Local conspiracy theorists have had a field day with the vacancy, with one popular local blog putting out rumors about the former president's plan to drain the water around his residence and laying the groundwork for a private putting green, thus ensuring that the only holes on the property are intended for golf balls, not prospective chefs.
Meanwhile, culinary schools across the country have reportedly added "swimming lessons" to their curriculum to prepare future chefs for water-bound hazards in the presidential workplace.
Despite the setbacks, the Obamas remain hopeful. "We're considering less traditional recruitment strategies," disclosed the spokesperson. "Next week, we're hosting a 'Swim and Saute' event to showcase that it's perfectly safe, provided you don't mind the occasional backstroke between courses."
As the search continues, the culinary world watches with bated breath—and buoyancy aids at the ready—to see who will brave the waters and step into the role of the next presidential chef position.
In an effort to attract more candidates, the job description has been updated to include "complimentary floaties" and a "personal lifeguard" during working hours. Additionally, the position offers comprehensive swimming taught by former US Olympians.
Local conspiracy theorists have had a field day with the vacancy, with one popular local blog putting out rumors about the former president's plan to drain the water around his residence and laying the groundwork for a private putting green, thus ensuring that the only holes on the property are intended for golf balls, not prospective chefs.
Meanwhile, culinary schools across the country have reportedly added "swimming lessons" to their curriculum to prepare future chefs for water-bound hazards in the presidential workplace.
Despite the setbacks, the Obamas remain hopeful. "We're considering less traditional recruitment strategies," disclosed the spokesperson. "Next week, we're hosting a 'Swim and Saute' event to showcase that it's perfectly safe, provided you don't mind the occasional backstroke between courses."
As the search continues, the culinary world watches with bated breath—and buoyancy aids at the ready—to see who will brave the waters and step into the role of the next presidential chef position.
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