The Worm Defense League (WDL) has recently taken to the skies—or at least, the nearest public park—to protest what they describe as an egregious violation of worm rights by their natural predators, birds. Armed with magnifying glasses, clipboards, and a surprising number of megaphones, these advocates are calling for immediate policy changes to end the "worm-icide" perpetrated by our feathered friends."
Birds have had it too good for too long," declared Myrtle Green, the WDL's outspoken leader, who spoke at a recent rally while dressed as a giant earthworm. "The early bird gets the worm? More like the early bird gets an unfair advantage in the pecking order!"
The WDL's demands are as clear as they are ambitious: birds must be restricted to a "one worm per beak" policy, and a curfew should be imposed to prevent any worm hunting before 10 a.m. to ensure worms have a fair chance at evading their beady-eyed nemeses. Green passionately argued that this new worm welfare initiative would create a more balanced ecosystem, free from the tyranny of dawn-raiding avian overlords.
Critics of the WDL's stance, including several birds who were unavailable for comment, chirped their dissent from nearby branches. Ornithologists have pointed out that birds rely on worms for essential nutrients, but the WDL countered with a suggestion that birds explore a vegan lifestyle, perhaps feasting on seeds and berries instead."
It’s high time birds faced the music," continued Green, "and we're not talking about morning choruses. We're talking accountability! No more preferential pecking. Equality for all!"
Amid the protests, local birds have shown remarkable ingenuity. Reports are coming in of birds setting their alarm clocks later and developing taste for tofu and kale, though the latter remains unconfirmed. The real winners of this debate, it seems, are the worms themselves, who are now petitioning for "equal dirt rights," including access to the prime soil beneath the community garden.
In a final twist of irony, the WDL has started offering "worm protection plans" to nervous garden enthusiasts, promising to "guard your worms like our own." This service includes worm relocation and personal safety assessments for particularly juicy segments.
While the debate rages on, one thing is clear: in the great backyard of life, everyone—whether they slither, peck, or protest—deserves a fair shake of the, well, dirt.
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