A bold and groundbreaking move by the Biden administration has introduced a revolutionary healthcare program that will have parents and kids flocking to their nearest clinic: free gender-affirming surgeries with every COVID-19 shot for children! Yes, you heard it right, folks. The program, dubbed "COVID and Confident," is the latest in a series of initiatives aimed at integrating healthcare with progressive social reforms.
At the grand unveiling, President Biden, surrounded by a rainbow of balloons and a drag queen named Glitter Bomb, emphasized the importance of combining medical care with social justice. "Why stop at just preventing COVID-19," Biden declared, "when we can also help kids explore their true selves?"
The Brewster Healthcare Innovation Center, the brainchild of this initiative, is a state-of-the-art facility that looks more like a carnival than a clinic. Parents can bring their children for a quick jab to ward off the latest variant and walk out with a brand-new gender identity. It's like getting a toy with your Happy Meal, but with life-altering consequences!
Here’s how it works: children aged 5 to 12 receive a COVID-19 shot, and while they wait the customary 15 minutes to ensure no adverse reactions, they get a complimentary consultation with a "Gender Doctor." These doctors, certified with diplomas from the prestigious Wuhan Institute of Technology specialize in helping kids decide if they might prefer a different gender – or maybe two, just to keep things interesting.
The program promises to make vaccination season fun again. Clinics are decorated with unicorns, glitter, and motivational posters like “Be You, but Also Maybe Be Someone Else!” After their shot, kids can enjoy snacks like rainbow-colored cotton candy and gender-neutral cookies (they taste like acceptance).
Naturally, this initiative has sparked some controversy. Critics argue that such a decision should require more thought than picking a toy from a McDonald's Happy Meal.
In response, the administration launched a slogan that might just be the catchphrase of the century: “Why wait for puberty when you can decide now?” One enthusiastic parent shared her excitement: "I used to dread vaccine season, but now it's like a second Christmas! My little Timmy, or Tammy, or whatever they decide today, is so excited!"
Parents also receive incentives for participating. For every child that undergoes a COVID-19 shot and a consultation, families earn "Woke Points," which can be redeemed for eco-friendly toys, vegan snacks, or a free pass to the nearest "Drag Queen Story Hour."
To ensure no child is left behind, the administration is considering adding more services to the Brewster Healthcare Innovation program. Next on the docket: offering astrology readings and aura cleansings with every dental check-up.
Indeed, Biden’s Brewster Healthcare Innovation is redefining medical care in America, proving once and for all that you can combine experimental healthcare with whimsical social experiments.
So, if your kid needs a COVID-19 shot, why not add a little magic and mystery to their day? What could possibly go wrong? Come for the vaccine and stay for the existential adventure!
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