top of page

the elephant's Den

Writer's pictureThe Elephant

PARODY: Biden Orders Mount Rushmore Makeover to Include Democratic All-Stars, Insiders Hint at Surprise Additions.



In a bold move that has political pundits scratching their heads and South Dakota scrambling for the history books, President Joe Biden has signed an unprecedented executive order to revamp Mount Rushmore, transforming it into a "Disneyland for Democrats". Citing concerns over the lack of diversity, equity, and inclusion among the chiseled Republican faces, the President declared it's time for the monument to reflect "real American values, like baseball and ice cream."


During the announcement, Biden tried to make light of the situation by stating, "It's time Mount Rushmore got a facelift—and maybe a little Botox while we're at it."


Reports have confirmed that the new Mount Rushmore lineup of Democratic leaders will be: Joe Biden, Barack Obama, and Bill and Hillary Clinton. The Hillary Clinton addition sparked a landslide of debate.  Insiders close to the announcement revealed that persuasive letters were sent to the selection committee. Each letter hinted—with an ominous wink—that overlooking Hillary could be a "cliffhanger" for their careers. Laden with 'friendly advice,' the letters conveyed a clear message: consider adding Mrs. Clinton's likeness to the mountain—or else. These letters were traced back to Hillary Clinton's residence, but she denies any involvement, attributing it to Russian interference.


South Dakota’s Governor Kristi Noem was quick to voice her discontent, suggesting that "better heads should prevail," and noting that "Mount Rushmore is perfect the way it is and is very capable of reflecting the great American melting pot without actually melting down Teddy Roosevelt’s face.


Local opposition has taken a creative turn, with residents suggesting alternative additions like Dolly Parton and Elon Musk, "because at least they know how to put on a show."

Tourism boards, meanwhile, are thrilled at the prospect of a fresher, younger-looking monument. "Imagine the merchandising," exclaimed one local souvenir shop owner. "We're talking bobbleheads, t-shirts, even a limited edition a snow globe with a mini-Joe Biden inside falling down the stairs!"


As the project progresses, It's clear that when it comes to revising national monuments, everyone has a chisel to wield. Whether this ambitious facelift will redefine Mount Rushmore or merely chip away at its legacy remains uncertain. As one local person noted, "We're either about to get a masterpiece or a mountain of presidential face-palms. Either way, it's going to be quite the spectacle."




27 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page