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PARODY: Biden Administration Unveils Revolutionary New Food Initiative - Soylent Green 2.0

Desperation breeds innovation, and the Biden administration's latest move might just be the culinary breakthrough we've all been waiting for. The White House has unveiled its groundbreaking plan to solve both food insecurity and overpopulation: Soylent Green 2.0. Dubbed the "most nutritional and cost-effective food source on the planet," this initiative promises to revolutionize our diets with a hearty dose of... well, let's just call it "mystery protein."


White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre announced the initiative with a straight face, a feat in itself, emphasizing the administration’s commitment to sustainability and nutrition. “We’re excited to bring the future of food to the present,” she declared. “Soylent Green 2.0 will not only feed billions but also ensure that every bite you take supports a greener planet—literally.”


The recipe for this culinary marvel remains a tightly guarded secret, but rumors are swirling. Some say it’s a blend of kale, cricket flour, and recycled political promises. Others whisper it’s made from a more “human” element of society, cleverly rebranded as “high-density organic material.” Critics have jokingly referred to it as “people-powered nutrition,” but the administration assures us that it's "just good, wholesome, sustainable eating."


A special task force, affectionately named "The Green Team," has been hard at work developing this innovative product. Led by none other than Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack, this team has spared no expense in making Soylent Green 2.0 both palatable and patriotic. “Think of it as a protein shake for the soul,” Vilsack explained. “Packed with vitamins, minerals, and a healthy dose of civic duty.”


To further drive home the point of its nutritional prowess, the administration plans to distribute Soylent Green 2.0 at all major public events, including congressional sessions, political rallies, and even presidential press briefings. Senator Bernie Sanders was reportedly the first to sample it, exclaiming, “It’s the best thing since free college tuition!” Meanwhile, President Biden himself has been spotted munching on Soylent Green 2.0 bars, describing them as “almost as good as Jill’s homemade cookies.”


Of course, no new initiative comes without its detractors. Conspiracy theorists are already buzzing, claiming this is just another way for Big Government to control what we eat. “They want to put us all on the same diet so they can monitor our digestion,” shouted one particularly agitated man at a recent town hall. Yet, despite these wild accusations, the administration remains unphased, confident that once Americans get a taste of Soylent Green 2.0, they’ll never go back to their old eating habits.


The FDA is fast-tracking the approval process, with plans to roll out Soylent Green 2.0 nationwide by the end of the year. With a catchy slogan, “Eat Green, Stay Lean,” the administration is betting big on this initiative to not only fill our stomachs but also save the planet. As the rollout nears, one can’t help but wonder: Will Soylent Green 2.0 be the future of food, or just another flash in the presidential pan?


Either way, it’s clear that the Biden administration is cooking up something big. Just remember, when you take your first bite of Soylent Green 2.0, don’t ask what’s in it. After all, ignorance is bliss, and apparently, it's also delicious.


Clarity Note: So what is Soylent Green you ask? "Soylent Green is made out of people. They're making our food out of people." Charleston Heston - 1973 Movie Soylent Green.

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