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Writer's pictureThe Elephant

PARODY: Bear-ing the Brunt of Absurdity ~ California’s Flag Makeover Fiasco

California, in an ever-valiant effort to outdo itself in the realms of diversity, equity, and inclusion, has embarked on a mission to revamp its iconic state flag. Governor Gavin Newsom, in a stroke of sheer genius, has summoned a special committee to draft new ideas for what this symbol of the Golden State should look like. The results, as expected, are nothing short of a comedy goldmine.


First on the list is the proposal to replace the beloved grizzly bear with a giant avocado. "Nothing says California like overpriced toast," said one committee member, sporting an organic hemp blazer. The new motto? "Eureka, Guacamole!" Because if there's one thing Californians are proud of, it's their ability to turn a simple fruit into a cultural phenomenon.


Not to be outdone, another member suggested a tie-dye background to represent the state's vibrant hippie heritage. "The colors will symbolize the melting pot of cultures and the psychedelic experiences that have shaped our history," they explained, before excusing themselves to meditate under a redwood.


Then there's the idea to feature a surfboard crossed with a yoga mat, capturing the essence of California's laid-back yet health-obsessed lifestyle. "We want our flag to remind everyone that whether you're catching waves or chakras, California is the place to be," said the proponent while sipping a kale smoothie.


One particularly ambitious suggestion involved incorporating a live-streaming screen on the flag, broadcasting a continuous loop of cat videos and celebrity Instagram stories. "It's interactive, it's modern, it's California!" they exclaimed. However, technical difficulties and the sheer impracticality of sewing a screen into fabric were quickly pointed out, much to the dismay of the digital enthusiast.


In a nod to Silicon Valley, another idea floated was a QR code in place of any actual design. Scanning it would lead you to a virtual tour of the state, complete with augmented reality pop-ups of tech startups, food trucks, and traffic jams. "It's innovative and eco-friendly," the presenter claimed, ignoring the fact that not everyone carries a smartphone capable of such feats.


One of the favorites came from a committee member who proposed a holographic flag that changes images based on the time of day and weather conditions. Morning fog? You'll see the Golden Gate Bridge shrouded in mist. Wildfire season? Flames and smoke will billow ominously from the fabric. "It's dynamic and immersive," they insisted, as the rest of the committee quietly questioned their grasp on reality.


Governor Newsom, ever the showman, seemed thrilled with the creative outpouring. "These ideas truly encapsulate the spirit of California," he declared, though it remains unclear if he was entirely serious or simply playing along with the spectacle.


As Californians brace themselves for the possibility of their flag being turned into a laughing stock, one thing is certain: the state’s commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusion has never been more hilariously on display.


Whether it's an avocado or a hologram, the new flag will undoubtedly be a testament to California's unrivaled ability to take itself both too seriously and not seriously at all.

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