PARODY: Saint Biden ~ The Pontiff of Preposterousness Unveils His Most Absurd Act Yet

Hold onto your rosaries, folks, because President Joe Biden has just redefined the term "executive overreach" in a way that would make even the most audacious dictator blush. In a move that's as baffling as it is laughable, Biden has signed an executive order that not only legalizes abortions in all 50 states but also rewrites Catholic doctrine. Yes, you read that right—Joe Biden is now the self-proclaimed American Pope.

The Rose Garden was the stage for this monumental announcement, and by "massive crowd," we mean a dozen people—six of whom were Secret Service agents. Biden, flanked by this "massive" gathering, proudly declared the inception of The Saint Biden Act. With a flourish of his pen, he decreed that the Catholic Church's stance on abortion is officially null and void. One might wonder if he borrowed that pen from the Vatican gift shop.

When reporters dared to question the president's authority to alter religious doctrine, Biden responded with the confidence of a man who’s never actually read the Constitution or The Bible. "In America, the president makes the rules, not the Pope," he asserted. Biden went on to express his "deep respect" for Pope Francis but insisted that on this issue, he's pulling rank. "I am now the American version of the Pope," Biden declared, presumably before donning a white cassock and installing a Pope-mobile on the White House lawn.

The president didn't stop there. He warned that if the Catholic Church even thought about excommunicating him, he would retaliate by excommunicating the Pope from America. It's a classic case of "you can't fire me, I quit," but with more incense and Latin chanting.

Biden's rationale for this divine intervention? According to him, an "old man wearing a funny hat and a robe who isn't even a U.S. citizen" shouldn't dictate what's right for Americans. In a dazzling display of theological insight, he quipped, "The Bible says God created Adam and Eve, but what about Adam and Steve?" Yes, dear reader, he went there—right to the heart of the matter with a rhetorical sledgehammer.

As the world collectively raised an eyebrow, Biden's decree sent shockwaves through religious and political circles alike. Critics are calling it the most ludicrous executive action in history, a title previously held by his complete overhaul of Title IX, which turned women’s sports into a gender-identity free-for-all.

Meanwhile, theologians are furiously flipping through their Bibles and Canon Law books, trying to figure out where, exactly, this presidential superpower is mentioned. Spoiler alert: it's not in there.

So, there you have it. The Saint Biden Act—because when you're the President of the United States, apparently, you also get to play God. What's next? Rewriting the Ten Commandments? Rebranding Christmas as Bidenmas? At this rate, nothing seems off the table.

In the end, one thing is clear: Joe Biden is taking the term "executive order" to absurd new heights, and whether you're laughing or crying, you can't deny it's one heck of a show. Stay tuned for the next episode of "As the Oval Office Turns," where reality is stranger than fiction, and the punchlines write themselves.

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The satirical content above is intended purely for parody. It is not meant to trivialize or make light of the serious issue of abortion. As a pro-life advocate, I believe that abortion involves taking the life of a defenseless baby. I hold deep respect for the right of women to make choices about their bodies; however, I believe that the body inside a pregnant woman is a separate, unique life that deserves protection.

I understand that this is a deeply sensitive and divisive issue, and I respect others whose views are different than mine and who disagree with my stance. My intent is not to diminish the gravity of the topic or the experiences of those affected by it, but rather to use satire to highlight what I perceive as absurdities in certain political actions and decisions.

I hope that this parody can be taken in the spirit of respectful debate and humor, and I remain committed to open and compassionate dialogue on this issue

"And if we accept that a mother can kill her own child, how can we tell other people to not kill one another." ~ Mother Theresa