top of page

the elephant's Den

Writer's pictureThe Elephant

PARODY: None of the Above: The Rise of America's Favorite Non-Candidate



In a stunning twist to America's political circus, the latest polls show Donald Trump and Joe Biden neck and neck, with "None of These Candidates" right behind, threatening to overtake them both. In a race typically dominated by elephants and donkeys, the introduction of what might as well be a mythical creature has thrown the entire system into a delightful frenzy.


As "None of These Candidates" gains ground, the nation finds itself at a comedic crossroads. The Republicans have their grand old elephant, symbolizing strength and endurance (or, as some critics say, the party's memory when it comes to forgetting inconvenient truths). The Democrats ride their steadfast donkey, emblematic of hard work and stubbornness (or, what some say as the party that makes asses out of you and me).


But what about the mascot for "None of These Candidates"? Political analysts have been scratching their heads and sharpening their pencils, trying to come up with a fitting emblem. Some suggest a giant zero, representing the enthusiasm many voters feel toward the leading contenders. Others argue for a mythical creature, like a unicorn or a phoenix, to symbolize the fantastical hope that a perfect candidate might emerge from the ashes of political disillusionment.


The debate rages on, with suggestions ranging from the absurd to the downright hilarious. One popular proposal is an empty chair, to symbolize the absence of any preferable candidates. Another is a shrug emoji, embodying the collective indifference of the electorate. There's even been a whisper of a campaign to adopt a tumbleweed as the official symbol, perfectly capturing the sense of desolation and aimlessness that many voters feel.


This unprecedented situation has caused quite the stir in political circles, with both major parties scrambling to address the rise of "None of These Candidates." Strategies have been thrown out the window, as traditional campaigning seems ineffective against an opponent that literally does not exist. Political rallies now face the awkward possibility of "None of These Candidates" supporters showing up, which mainly involves them sitting quietly, looking unimpressed.


The merchandise for "None of These Candidates" is flying off the shelves, featuring slogans like "Meh 2024," "Vote for Nobody," and "Blank Ballots for a Brighter Tomorrow." This unexpected phenomenon has even sparked a grassroots movement, with people across the nation advocating for a space on the ballot where they can officially vote for "None of These Candidates," dreaming of the day when it might actually win an election.


As the race heats up, the question remains: Can "None of These Candidates" maintain its momentum and upset America's political applecart? Or will it simply serve as a hilarious footnote in the annals of electoral history? One thing is for certain: in the grand theater of American politics, "None of These Candidates" is proving to be the most entertaining act we've seen in years.

23 views0 comments

Commenti


bottom of page