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No Titanic Votes Here: Trump Tells Leo "Thanks, But No Thanks" in Hilarious Celebrity Vote Purge!

Writer's picture: The ElephantThe Elephant

Trump Rejects Support From DiCaprio due to Leo's escapades on Jeffrey Epstein's Island.



In a move that can only be described as "epic Trump", Donald Trump has reportedly turned down the potential support of Hollywood’s eco-warrior and climate-change doomsday prophet, Leonardo DiCaprio. The reason for Trump’s frosty snub? DiCaprio’s questionable associations with the infamous private island enthusiast, Jeffrey Epstein. According to sources , Trump declared with his signature flair, "I only accept votes from people who haven't splashed around at Epstein's pool parties. Everyone knows the water there’s warmer for all the wrong reasons." With a theatrical wave of his hand, Trump dismissed DiCaprio’s potential endorsement as if the Oscar-winner was just another "extra" bobbing unnoticed in Titanic’s icy waters.


To some, it might seem shocking that a jet-setting, Twitter-loving billionaire like Trump would draw a line in the sand—but then again, only the boldest individuals make their stand with such swag. “It’s called having standards, folks, and no friends of Epstein are in my circle! It’s my rule. That’s how I roll, believe me.”


Sources say Trump has developed a highly sophisticated, top-secret "Voter Epstein Island Test." This stringent examination includes combing through an individual’s past associations with Epstein, attendance at any questionable island gatherings, and even checking if they still watch reruns of Desperate Housewives. Allegedly, DiCaprio failed the test spectacularly, despite his track record of award-winning performances and tireless climate-change crusades. “Sure, he can save a polar bear,” Trump shrugged, “but if he can’t say no to a creepy island invitation, he’s off the list.”


“No Hard Feelings, Leo... But You’re Not On the List”


Taking a playful jab at DiCaprio’s most iconic role, Trump quipped, “If Di-Craprio wants to be part of a disaster, he should stick to icebergs, not elections.” Chuckling at his own wit, Trump then unfurled a massive, cartoonish "You’re Not Invited!" banner—a symbolic send-off for any Hollywood star linked to Epstein.


But Trump didn’t stop there. Insiders say the newest campaign strategy involves dispatching preemptive "Vote Rejection Letters" to celebrities known for dabbling in Epstein-esque escapades—stamped with a giant “Trump Seal of Disapproval.” The list of disqualified would-be supporters is growing faster than Marvel spinoffs.


The Celebrity Voter Rejection List: Trump’s "Do Not Count" Catalog


The “Do Not Count” catalog allegedly includes a glittering lineup of the rich and famous:


George Clooney: “Sorry, George, but the only ‘Ocean’s’ I’m interested in are those without Epstein’s yachts.”


Oprah Winfrey: “You get a rejection letter, and YOU get a rejection letter, Oprah—everyone’s getting rejection letters!”


Cher: “Cher’s fortune-telling must have failed her if she didn’t see this rejection coming.”


Bill Gates: “Apparently, there’s a Windows update that blocks Epstein’s island visits, but Gates missed the memo.”


Prince Harry: “Harry may have escaped royal duties, but he won’t dodge this royal rejection.”


Ellen DeGeneres: “Ellen’s idea of ‘being kind’ didn’t seem to include avoiding Epstein’s private jets.”


Tom Hanks: “Tom, I loved you in Cast Away, but it looks like you found your own ‘private’ island getaway.”


Robert De Niro: “De Niro can act tough all he wants, but his ‘Goodfellas’ ways just don't make the cut.”


Even Billionaires Have Standards


Yes, Donald J. Trump has drawn a line—and that line is somewhere between Hollywood and Washington DC scandals. For those still hoping to secure Trump’s approval, the rule is clear: “There are plenty of famous people on my rejection list, but if they’ve played on Epstein's Island, I don’t want their vote.”


Insiders say Trump’s latest slogan—whispered in campaign HQs nationwide—captures the mood perfectly: “No Creeps, No Islands, No Compromise!” The message is clear: Trump’s campaign might not be flawless, but at least it’s Epstein free!


Rejecting Votes—The New Trump Strategy?


This unexpected move has the pundit class buzzing. Could turning down celebrity support be Trump’s new masterstroke? Some call it populist genius—distancing himself from the Hollywood elite while appealing to “real America.” Others see it as another chapter in Trump’s unpredictable playbook, political theater worthy of prime-time TV. “This move is just so... Trump,” mused one analyst over an overpriced latte that practically came with a monocle. “He’s cutting out the Hollywood elite like they’re auditioning for a part they’ll never land.”


Some even speculate that Trump’s strategy might be a savvy attempt to sidestep the curse of celebrity endorsements. “By turning down these high-profile figures, he’s playing 4D chess,” said Dr. Polly Tician, a noted political analyst. “Or he’s just making sure no one else at his rallies can outshine his hair.”


Whatever the case, Trump’s decision makes one thing clear: no endorsement will slip past his eagle-eyed “Endorsement Investigators,” who are already busy scrutinizing potential supporters’ Netflix history, Instagram likes, and Epstein-related jet travel logs.


Hollywood Reacts: Cue the Outrage!


Predictably, the Hollywood elite are clutching their diamond-studded jewelry in collective outrage. DiCaprio’s camp has yet to comment, though anonymous insiders claim Leo is planning a tearful, rain-drenched apology during his next climate speech— as he delivers his sorrows on a glacier sitting next to a polar bear drinking a Coke.


As for a possible redemption? Rumor has it DiCaprio might donate his entire fleet of hybrid vehicles to a Trump charity or arrange a private screening of The Wolf of Wall Street at Mar-a-Lago. In this version, Trump would star as the shrewd businessman who knows when to walk away, while Leo would find himself desperately trying to sell one last pitch—only to be met with Trump’s classic "You’re fired!"


Until then, Trump remains steadfast. “I have the highest standards for my voters, folks. If you want to support me, your record better be squeaky clean,” he said with a pause for dramatic effect. “No shady business, no creepy islands, and absolutely no Titanic references. I’m a winner, folks, and winners don’t—need castaways from the island of lost causes.”


Rumor has it that Trump’s team is in the early stages of developing a televised award show called “Hollywood’s Rejects: The Swamp Stars Awards”, where he’ll personally hand out trophies to celebrities and politicians who narrowly missed earning his endorsement due to suspicious Epstein connections. DiCaprio is reportedly the frontrunner for the inaugural “Sunken Support” award—a gold-plated Titanic lifeboat with a miniature Leo waving farewell.


Stay tuned, America—the circus is just getting started!


In the meantime, DiCaprio is reportedly sailing off on a hybrid yacht toward cleaner, scandal-free waters, filming a new movie about the trauma of voter rejection titled:

Trump-lantic: The Candidate Who Wouldn’t Count Me. It's rumored the ending will leave audiences bewildered and conflicted—much like 2024 itself.


In the end, Trump’s campaign might just be the only campaign in history where the slogan isn’t about winning votes, but about rejecting the wrong ones. It’s a strategy only Trump could pull off—swimming against the tide, while insisting the waters are clearer without Hollywood’s baggage.


Disclaimer: Attention, Hollywood Elite!


Before anyone starts furiously drafting rebuttals or planning a dramatic, tear-filled response video, please note: This article is pure parody. Yes, it's all in good fun, —no need to clutch your Oscar statuettes or cry into your organic kale salads. We all know your "expert" opinions are delivered "from the heart", but here’s a little secret: nobody’s hanging on your every word.


Remember, it's not the grand speeches you deliver on award show stages that matter—it's the choices you make when the cameras are off. So, take a deep breath, relax, and maybe try doing something truly profound... like sitting this one out.


Hey Leo, we don’t need your guidance on world affairs, climate matters, etc. —your movie roles have prepared you for that about as well as The Titanic prepared you to captain a real ship.


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Isn’t it curious that the same celebrities with ties to Epstein are also the ones lining up to endorse Kamala Harris? It’s almost like there’s a special club for scandal-ridden endorsements—membership perks include selective memory and Hollywood-sized blind spots.





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