Wokeism: It's not a disease, but it sure spreads like one. Like an unstoppable force of nature, it’s sweeping across society, leaving common sense gasping for breath in its wake. If you thought the COVID Pandemic was terrifying, just wait until you've encountered the “Woke Apocalypse.”
You see, Wokeism is the new black plague, except instead of rats and fleas, it's spread by hashtags and Twitter feeds. Imagine the most mundane activities suddenly requiring a comprehensive cultural sensitivity review. Drinking a cup of coffee? Better ensure it's ethically sourced and that you’ve publicly apologized for any historical grievances associated with caffeine consumption.
In this brave new world, libraries are no longer safe havens of knowledge but hotbeds of problematic content. The mere presence of classic literature could lead to an outbreak of “microaggressions.” Shakespeare? Canceled. Mark Twain? Expunged. Dr. Seuss? Don’t even think about it. These literary landmines are being replaced by the safe, sanitized prose of internet influencers and TikTok philosophers.
It's not just books—our language itself has been hijacked. Words like "manhole" are now “personholes” to avoid offending the elusive manhole demographic. Job titles have become a minefield. Firemen are “firepeople,” and even a simple fisherman is now a “fish-custodian.” Not to mention, a fun trip to the hardware store might now involve asking for a “sledgeperson” instead of a sledgehammer. "Mothers" are now called "birth carriers" Because, you know, feelings.
Then there’s the bewildering concept of cultural appropriation. Wearing a sombrero on Cinco de Mayo? Prepare for a social media tribunal. Admiring someone else’s culture has morphed into a heinous act of theft, punishable by online exile and mandatory sensitivity workshops. It’s a world where borrowing someone’s pencil without written consent could label you a colonial oppressor.
And oh, the athletic world hasn't escaped the clutches of Wokeism. Competitions are now exercises in ensuring that everyone feels like a winner, even if they’ve run the wrong way around the track. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat? Outdated concepts replaced by participation trophies and “You Tried!” ribbons. Even chess, that ancient game of strategy, now faces scrutiny for its binary portrayal of black and white pieces. A rainbow set is apparently in the works, although knights still pose a problematic allegiance to medieval hierarchy.
Social interactions have become an intricate dance of identity politics. Forget astrology; now you need to know someone's pronouns, safe spaces, and trigger warnings before engaging in small talk. The good old days of “Hello, how are you?” have evolved into a detailed consultation about one's emotional climate and intersectional struggles.
Our culinary habits aren't safe either. Ordering food is a sociopolitical statement. That burger? Ethically, it must be plant-based, gluten-free, fair trade, and approved by at least three advocacy groups. Otherwise, you're perpetuating speciesism, glutenism, and the carbon footprint of a small industrial nation.
If you're a history buff, brace yourself. Statues of historical figures are being toppled left and right. Why? Because they dared exist in a time when Wokeism wasn’t a thing. Museums are replacing exhibits of old, dead white guys with holograms of contemporary social justice warriors. The past is being rewritten so quickly, it’s as if Orwell's 1984 has been reissued as a feel-good manual.
In the end, the true genius of Wokeism lies in its ability to turn every facet of daily life into a potential offense. It’s a world where you need a user manual to navigate human interactions and a lawyer to decode your breakfast choices. So, as we march boldly into this utopian abyss, remember: the only thing you have to lose is your sanity.
Welcome to the Woke Apocalypse, where reality is optional, and absurdity is mandatory.
Comments