If cringe were a currency, Cuban would finally be richer than Elon Musk.
In what can only be described as the most prestigious award ceremony this side of the internet, Catturd, the renowned commentator on everything ludicrous and laughable, has named billionaire Mark Cuban the 2024 X Cringe Loser of the Year. The competition was fierce, with honorable mentions including Dan Crenshaw, Tim Walz, and Kamala Harris. But let’s face it—there was only ever going to be one winner.
“This was literally a no-brainer,” said Catturd in the announcement, pausing briefly to chuckle at Cuban’s latest tweet about “wishing everyone could be as smart as him.” The award comes after a year where Cuban managed to alienate nearly everyone, including Kamala Harris’s own team, which reportedly found his efforts to out-cringe her as “a little much.”
Cuban’s Year of Facepalms
The billionaire—who seems to oscillate between pretending to be Elon Musk and pretending to be relevant—earned his title through a series of bizarre, cringe-inducing statements and actions that left even his staunchest defenders quietly tiptoeing to the other side of the room.
Let’s start with Cuban’s claim earlier this year that Donald Trump surrounds himself with “women who aren’t smart.” Ironically, this came during a week when Cuban was photographed sitting next to someone he described as his “policy advisor,” who was later revealed to be a TikTok influencer with a degree in interpretive dance. Twitter users were quick to respond: “Mark, glass houses and all that…”
And who could forget Cuban’s relentless (and painfully awkward) campaign to get Kamala Harris re-elected? He hosted Twitter Spaces, live-streamed debates with his cats (because no one else showed up), and even created a TikTok dance dedicated to Kamala that went viral—for all the wrong reasons. “When her team disowned him,” Catturd explained, “that was the moment we knew we had a winner. The cringe was simply too powerful.”
The Great BlueSky Debacle
Following Kamala’s crushing defeat, Cuban declared he was “done with Elon Musk’s X” and announced a dramatic migration to BlueSky, a platform so obscure that even its CEO couldn’t find the login page. But alas, like a moth to a flame—or a billionaire to a bad investment—Cuban couldn’t stay away. He’s been tweeting nonstop ever since, though now he does so under the guise of “just checking in on the peasants.”
“Mark Cuban saying he’s leaving X is like a guy saying he’s going to move to Canada after every election,” said Catturd. “We all know he’s not going anywhere.”
Predictably Wrong Predictions
Another hallmark of Cuban’s year was his uncanny ability to be wrong about everything. Every. Single. Thing.
When he boldly declared that Bitcoin was “done for,” the cryptocurrency surged 150% the following week.
After predicting that Kamala would “win in a landslide,” she lost by a margin so wide it had historians comparing it to the Titanic hitting the iceberg—twice.
And when Cuban insisted that his Dallas Mavericks were “unstoppable this season,” they were promptly eliminated in the first round of playoffs, thanks to what some called “Mark’s motivational speeches.”
The Legacy of Cringe
As part of his acceptance speech (which he hasn’t given but we’re assuming would be on-brand cringe), Cuban would likely thank the “small-minded critics” who simply “don’t understand his vision.” Catturd summed it up best: “Mark Cuban doesn’t need enemies—his mouth does all the work for him.”
In honor of his monumental achievement, Catturd has promised to send Cuban a commemorative trophy shaped like a crying emoji clutching a participation ribbon. Cuban, we’re sure, will tweet about it, delete it, and then tweet about it again.
Stay tuned for next year’s Catturd awards—though after Cuban’s performance, it’s hard to imagine anyone dethroning him anytime soon.
Disclaimer:
Mark Cuban serves as an inspiration to millions, proving that even idiots can become a billionaire with enough persistence (and maybe a little luck).
On a related note, Mark Cuban is also a nominee for the prestigious Annual Golden Face Palm Award—a recognition reserved for those who excel in unintentional hilarity. This could finally be Cuban’s year… though, as always, for all the wrong reasons. Stay tuned!
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