It's time to settle in for another week of the Kamala Harris Reality Show! With the media pushing Kamala like a used car salesman trying to unload a lemon, it’s been a whirlwind of bizarre, head-scratching moments. Let’s dive into Kamala's greatest hits for the past week, where every day is weirder than the last.
1. Recession Ruckus
The market tanked last week, thanks to a job report so dismal it makes everyone talking about it sound like a doomsayer. Bidenomics strikes again! With job growth in the gutter and unemployment climbing higher than Kamala’s awkward cackle, economists are whispering the dreaded 'R-word" - recession. Double whammy, folks – it’s a recession and inflation, courtesy of the dynamic duo Biden and Harris. Who knew misery came in twos?
2. Media Magic
The media is working overtime, transforming Kamala’s meager rallies into massive events through the magic of Photoshop, creating the illusion of large crowds. And let’s not forget Google, tweaking its algorithm to ensure that when you search for "Trump," you get "Kamala" instead. It’s like searching for a steak and getting a tofu burger. To top it off, they’ve disabled the auto-fill option to erase searches for Donald Trump from history. Hats off to Harris and the Democratic Party—that’s an impressive feat!
3. The Basement Strategy 2.0
Kamala’s campaign strategy? Hide her away like the last piece of cake at a party. The Democrats are deploying the Biden 2020 playbook, keeping Kamala out of the spotlight to avoid any more verbal faceplants. Democracy at its finest, folks – you miss 100% of the gaffes you don’t make!
4. Running Mate Rejection
Finding a running mate for Kamala is like finding a date for a porcupine – no one’s lining up for the job. Governors and senators are fleeing faster than a cat at a dog kennel . It seems Kamala’s running mates would rather juggle flaming swords than join her ticket. Talk about dodging a bullet!
5. The Convenient Prisoner Swap
Just in time for the DNC convention, the Harris (sorry, Biden-Harris) administration pulled off a prisoner swap with Russia, hailing it as a "feat of diplomacy." It’s the second high-profile swap, following the controversial release of basketball player Brittney Griner. With Griner, America released a terrorist arms dealer, whereas, this time, it’s a convicted murderer. Because nothing says “strong leadership” like trading a terrorists for hostages. Who’s next on the swap list?
6. Ballot Box Bonanza
Non-citizens are reportedly swarming DMVs to get state IDs. A news report showed nearly 200 immigrants lined up at a Florida DMV at 6:00 in the morning. Another investigation in Georgia revealed pages of immigrants using NGO addresses to obtain their IDs. The Democrats are pushing to get IDs for immigrants so they can vote in November. When Kamala was asked about this... crickets. This is democracy, Democrat-style: why bother persuading legal voters when you can manufacture them?
7. Fundraising Frenzy
Kamala has raised more money faster than any candidate in history. How does a VP with rock-bottom approval ratings pull this off? An investigation last week points to some shady dealings with ActBlue and other donor organizations. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is – and this smells fishier than a tuna boat.
8. DEI Debacle
Trump called Kamala a DEI hire, sparking outrage. The kicker? When Biden picked his VP, the criteria were clear: black and female. Case closed. Trump was also criticized for commenting on Kamala's ethnicity. Let’s be honest, following Kamala’s ethnicity is like watching a chameleon at a disco – constantly changing colors. One day she’s black, the next she’s Indian. Thanks to an episode of The Mindy Project, we see Kamala in a 2019 interview discussing being the first Indian to run for president.
9. Twerk Off Triumph
Kamala’s latest campaign move? Sponsoring a twerk-off at an Atlanta rally. Yes, you read that right. While Trump was discussing economic growth with business leaders, Kamala was praising Megan Thee Stallion for her erotic dance moves. Because nothing screams presidential material like thrusting hips and squatting low in front of other people. Vote for Kamala, because why not?
10. Iran's $6 Billion Dollar Surprise
Remember that $6 billion we handed over to Iran to release hostages? They’re now using this money to fund attacks against Israel and potentially the US. With tensions rising last week, we might see a conflict sooner than later. The Harris (again, Biden-Harris) administration in making the world safer, one ill-advised financial transaction at a time.
So there you have it, folks – the top ten highlights from Kamala’s Corner from last week. Stay tuned for more, because in the world of Kamala Harris, the absurdity never stops.
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