Somewhere, deep in the mysterious world of Kamala Harris’s presidential campaign, there’s a strategy that can only be described as revolutionary—if by "revolutionary" you mean "completely bonkers." A recent study revealed that nearly 70% of Democratic voters have no idea what Kamala Harris’s policies actually are. And that, my friends, is exactly how her staff likes it. In fact, they probably wish that number was closer to 100%.
Imagine this: You’re Kamala’s campaign manager, tasked with the impossible job of getting her elected while hoping and praying no one asks her a single, solitary question about what she believes. Every time a voter says, "Hey, what’s Kamala’s stance on healthcare?" you break out in a cold sweat, reach for the smelling salts, and throw in a distraction like "Did you know she once wore Converse sneakers?" It’s not about policy, people—it’s about optics. Let’s just hope no one notices that her policies are so far left that Bernie Sanders is starting to look like Reagan in comparison.
The Best-Kept Secret in Politics: Kamala's Policies
If Kamala Harris’s policies were a movie, they'd be a horror film so terrifying that even Stephen King would turn it off after five minutes. Her progressive ideas are so extreme that you’d half expect her to suggest giving free Teslas to tree frogs as part of her "environmental justice" plan. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Here are just a few of the gems that her staff is desperately trying to hide from the public:
1. Reparations for Black Americans
Because nothing says "solving racial inequality" like cutting a check that magically erases centuries of history. This one’s so blatantly a vote-buying scheme that even Joe Biden raised an eyebrow—and that’s saying something for a guy who thinks a teleprompter is a close personal friend.
2. Taxpayer-Funded Sex Changes for Illegal Aliens
Yes, you heard that right. Not only is she willing to open the borders, but she's also ready to hand out "Welcome to America" gender reassignment surgeries. It’s the ultimate two-for-one progressive special—come for the open borders, stay for the taxpayer-funded transformation!
3. Socialized Healthcare: The Canadian Dream
Kamala’s dream is to turn America’s healthcare system into a mirror image of Canada’s. That’s right—where you can wait nine months for an MRI, but hey, at least it’s "free." Private health insurance? Say goodbye to that. Soon, the only doctor you’ll be seeing is Dr. Google.
4. Fracking: A Flip-Flop Spectacle
First she’s against fracking, then she’s for it. Kamala’s position on fracking is about as consistent as her accent—shifting depending on the crowd. One day she’s talking about how fracking will destroy the environment, the next she’s leading a chant of "Drill, baby, drill!" You almost have to admire the flexibility—if only it didn’t give everyone whiplash.
5. The Baby-Botching Bonanza
If you thought late-term abortions were a controversial topic, buckle up. Kamala not only supports them, but she’s on record defending a baby’s "right" to be left to die after a botched abortion. Because apparently, in her world, compassion ends at birth. Her staff would love to tell you this one’s fake news—but sadly, it’s all too real.
6. The Mark Cuban Stock Market Meltdown
Even Mark Cuban, billionaire extraordinaire and casual Harris supporter, thinks her tax on unrealized gains would destroy the stock market faster than you can say "economic Armageddon." But don’t worry—he assures us she won’t actually go through with it. That’s comforting, right? A president whose policies are so disastrous, even her supporters are hoping she’s bluffing.
The Hide-and-Seek Strategy: Kamala's Secret to Success
So how does Kamala Harris stay afloat despite this rogues’ gallery of radical ideas? Simple. She hides. Kamala is like the Loch Ness Monster of politics—everyone's heard of her, but no one’s quite sure what she’s actually up to. Her campaign staff are doing their best to keep her under wraps, sending her on photo ops that have all the substance of a bag of cotton candy. Every time she’s asked to explain her positions, it’s like watching a deer caught in headlights... except the deer has a prepared answer about equity and a nervous grin.
The irony is that it’s working—at least for now. About 70% of Democrats are blissfully unaware of Kamala’s extreme agenda, living in a world where Kamala’s biggest achievement is her choice of footwear. They don’t know about her tax policies, her healthcare overhaul, or her plan to give babies the cold shoulder after birth—and Kamala’s team is hoping to keep it that way.
"What You Don’t Know Won’t Hurt You"—Or Will It?
The old saying goes, "What you don’t know won’t hurt you." Kamala’s campaign has taken that to heart. In fact, they’ve taken it so far that they’re hiding her policies from everyone—including themselves. But the real punchline? If voters ever found out what she truly stands for, it’s not just Kamala’s campaign that would be hurt—it might be the Democratic Party’s collective sanity.
At this point, you could lay out Kamala’s policies on a billboard the size of Texas, and some voters would still walk away thinking she’s just the Converse-wearing VP. After all, there’s no amount of evidence that can sway someone committed to not looking.
So as Kamala continues her game of political hide-and-seek, let’s hope for her sake the voters never stop counting. Because the second they shout "Ready or not, here we come!" it’s game over.
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