Picture this: You give Kamala Harris a flashlight with brand-new batteries, ask her to turn it on, and she somehow ends up in a pitch-dark room, holding the thing backwards, wondering why she can't see. That’s pretty much what happens when she’s put in charge of any serious project—especially one involving the internet. I mean, if the border debacle wasn’t enough proof, wait until you hear about her attempt to connect rural America to high-speed internet. Spoiler alert: she’s got as much chance of pulling it off as a cat trying to use a touchscreen.
Back in 2021, President Biden handed Kamala the keys to a shiny new $42 billion broadband expansion plan. Her mission? To connect millions of homes and businesses to high-speed internet. Fast forward over 1,000 days, and guess how many homes are connected? Zilch. Zero. Nada. In fact, if you’re trying to get on Wi-Fi right now and it’s slow, you might be standing in the shadow of Kamala’s success.
FCC Commissioner Brendan Carr absolutely roasted her in Congress recently, laying out the facts like a frustrated parent watching their kid repeatedly try to microwave metal. "Not a single home or business has been connected. There isn’t even a shovel in the ground!" he fumed. Yes, folks, Kamala has managed to spend billions without so much as ruffling a blade of grass.
Apparently, groundbreaking won’t even start until next year—or maybe not until 2026, which at this point sounds more like a tentative RSVP than a solid plan. So, if you’re living in a rural area and hoping for high-speed internet, you might want to hang on to that AOL dial-up a bit longer.
Why the delay, you ask? Red tape, naturally. Oh, and the administration’s obsession with ticking every “woke” checkbox imaginable. You see, this isn’t just about laying fiber optic cables. No, no, that’s too simple. The program requires that companies prioritize hiring people with criminal records. You heard that right—your internet won’t come any faster, but at least you’ll know the person installing your modem might’ve just gotten out on parole.
Carr warned Congress that without some major reforms, this program is "wired to fail." I mean, did anyone really think that Kamala—who treats the southern border like a mystery novel she refuses to finish—was going to master high-speed internet? She probably thinks fiber optics is a new brand of breakfast cereal.
And don’t think this is just a one-off flop. Oh no, the Biden-Harris duo’s list of "accomplishments" is growing. Take their $50 billion EV charging station project. With that amount of cash, you’d expect every Walmart parking lot in America to have a charging station by now. Instead, we’ve got a grand total of… drumroll, please… eight.
For those keeping track at home, that's $100 billion between broadband and EVs, and all we have to show for it is slower internet and a couple of places to juice up your Tesla if you happen to live in one of the eight luckiest cities in America. Bravo, Kamala. Bravo.
Now, let’s take a moment to imagine a world where common sense reigns. Instead of throwing billions at bureaucratic black holes, Washington could’ve given every rural household a $600 voucher for a high-speed satellite internet connection. But that would be too easy. And let’s be real—how can you squeeze diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) training into that? Who's going to ensure that each foot of fiber cable is laid by an adequately inclusive workforce, complete with justice-impacted individuals, rehabilitated criminals, and—you guessed it—diversity-certified ex-cons?
Milton Friedman once said, "If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in five years there’d be a shortage of sand." Well, folks, with Kamala at the helm, we wouldn’t just have a shortage of sand—we’d have a new government initiative to ensure all that missing sand was being searched for in the most inclusive and equitable way possible. In fact, she’d probably send out an official memo stating: The sand has been located… but we’ll need an extra $50 billion to form a commission on its diversity before moving forward.
And so, here we are—42 billion bucks down the drain, eight EV stations, and zero internet connections. The Biden-Harris administration, ladies and gentlemen, where the only thing high-speed is the rate at which your taxpayer dollars vanish.
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