Vice President Kamala Harris emerged from the depths of economic chaos with a tax strategy so bold, so daring, that it’s sure to leave even the most hardened economists weeping in the fetal position. After all, who better to lead America out of financial despair than a woman whose first presidential campaign was so broke it couldn’t afford to keep the lights on? Yes, folks, this is the same Kamala Harris who couldn’t budget her way out of a paper bag, and now, she’s back with a plan that makes her 2020 campaign management look like a stroke of fiscal genius.
Let’s dive into the treasure trove of lunacy that is Kamala’s new tax strategy. Grab your calculators and prepare for a rollercoaster ride through the land of economic absurdity.
The 44.6% Long-Term Capital Gains Tax: A Masterclass in Economic Mayhem
First up, we have Kamala's proposal to more than double the long-term capital gains tax rate from 20% to a whopping 44.6%. That’s right, because nothing says “invest in America” like the government taking almost half of your gains. Why stop there? Why not just confiscate all the profits and give every American a participation trophy? After all, under Kamala’s plan, making money is clearly an unpatriotic act that must be punished.
One can only imagine the ripple effects of this brainchild. The stock market? More like the stock crater. And the global markets? Well, they’ll be watching the dominoes fall in slow motion, each one toppling the next. But hey, at least the government will have more cash to not solve any of the problems it’s already failing to solve.
Corporate Tax Rate to 28%: Making American Businesses Uncompetitive Again
Next on the chopping block, the corporate tax rate, which Harris suggests hiking from 21% to 28%. Because, you know, making U.S. companies less competitive on the global stage is just what we need to stimulate the economy. Forget about innovation, growth, or staying ahead in the global market—let’s just make sure we squeeze every last penny out of businesses until they pass the buck (or lack thereof) onto consumers.
If you thought inflation was bad now, just wait until your favorite cereal box shrinks to the size of a Cracker Jack Box while its price tag balloons like Kamala’s campaign promises. Nothing says “economic recovery” like paying more for less while American companies pack their bags and head to more tax-friendly shores.
The Phantom Gain Tax: Paying Taxes on Money You Don’t Have
But the true crown jewel of Kamala’s economic wonderland is her proposal for a 25% tax on unrealized gains. Yes, you read that correctly: you’ll be taxed on profits you haven’t even made. Bought a house that appreciated in value? Congrats, here’s a tax bill on your imaginary earnings! Own a stock that went up? Better fork over some cash to the IRS for money you haven’t seen yet. It’s the financial equivalent of being billed for a meal you never ate, at a restaurant that doesn’t exist.
This is the kind of forward-thinking only someone with Kamala’s impeccable financial track record could devise. Her Phantom Gain Tax is designed to ensure that you’re paying taxes not just on what you have, but also on what you might have someday—if the market doesn’t crash first.
The “Fair Share” Fairytale: A Lesson in How Not to Do Math
And let’s not forget the cherry on top of this fiscal sundae: the endless propaganda claim that the rich aren’t paying their “fair share.” Never mind that the top 25% of earners already shoulder 76.5% of all taxes.
Apparently, the only fair tax rate is one that leaves the top earners as broke as Kamala’s campaign fund. Perhaps she’s planning to redistribute all that phantom gain tax revenue to fund more genius proposals—like banning private healthcare so we can all enjoy the DMV experience at our doctor’s office.
But fear not, fellow taxpayers, because Kamala Harris is here to guide us out of the financial quagmire she and her buddy Biden helped create. Just don’t ask how she plans to do it—she’s too busy inventing new ways to tax your shadow and charge you for the air you breathe.
In conclusion, Kamala’s tax strategy is a masterclass in economic absurdity. It’s the kind of plan that makes you wonder if anyone in Washington has ever balanced a checkbook, let alone a national budget. So next time you hear the Democrats telling you that the rich aren’t paying their fair share, just remember: Kamala Harris is here to fix that by making sure no one has any money left to argue with.
Disclaimer:This article may cause uncontrollable laughter, tears of despair, or a sudden urge to check your bank account and wonder where it all went. Proceed with caution.
Kamala Harris backs Biden's tax proposals-
including a tax on unrealized capital gains:
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