In a move that surprised absolutely no one, Vice President Kamala Harris has responded to the recent Fox News interview debacle with a brand-new edit of the encounter that she assures the public is the “full, uncut” version. The final runtime? A whopping 16 seconds. Yes, that’s right: just enough time for a friendly hello and a gracious goodbye.
Harris, whose media team must have studied under the ancient masters of film editing, felt the original interview was "too real" for public consumption and insisted on a new version that "better reflects my integrity, qualifications, and ability to look deeply into the distance while chuckling awkwardly."
60 Minutes Redux: From "In-Depth" to "In-Doubt"
If you thought 60 Minutes was already pushing the boundaries of reality with its softening edits, then Kamala’s team just took that playbook, ran it through a paper shredder, and glued it back together with Elmer's glue sticks. The Fox News interview, led by Brett Baier, was expected to clarify doubts raised by the original 60 Minutes interview. Instead, it became an instant classic—a true masterclass in dodging questions, fumbling words, and using phrases like "let me rephrase that", and "let me finish" as often as a politician says "the American people."
But why let facts get in the way of a good narrative? According to Harris’ press team, the Fox interview wasn't a failure—it just needed a little trimming. And by "trimming," they meant hacking off everything except her greeting and closing statement. The final product was a swift 16-second video, now streaming live on Kamala’s official YouTube channel under the title: "My Leadership in 16 Seconds: The Unedited Truth."
Baier's piercing questions about inflation, border security, and international relations? Gone. Kamala’s verbal acrobatics, where she managed to string together a word salad of "context," "nuance," and "pragmatic empathy"? Vanished. Now, all the public is left with is the best part: Kamala confidently saying, "Good evening, Brett," followed by an equally solid, "Thank you for having me."
It was the kind of editing that would make George Lucas blush—if Lucas had a political career built on awkward laughs and vague metaphors.
Critics (and Computers) React!
Fox News viewers, were quick to notice that the entire body of the interview seemed to disappear faster than Kamala’s approval rating. "I swear she said something about immigration. Or maybe it was gas prices? Wait—didn’t Brett ask her about the crisis in Ukraine?" one bewildered viewer commented before the screen cut to black.
Political analysts are now comparing Harris' latest "interview" to other historical edits, like the time Richard Nixon released only the blank pages of the Watergate transcripts. Not to mention, AI-powered deepfake generators are reportedly in awe of Kamala's team's editing prowess, asking for tips on how to scrub reality so cleanly from public consciousness.
But Kamala stands firm. When asked to comment on the accusations of "over-editing," the Vice President responded in typical Harris fashion: "We have to understand that sometimes, in life, the things we see... may not be the things we... really... need to see."
Profound. Deep. Breathtakingly incoherent.
The Fox Interview That Wasn't
In the now-legendary "lost tapes" of the full interview, witnesses claim that Baier asked Harris simple yet important questions about her vision for the country. You know, standard things like: "What are your plans for the border?" and "How do you plan to address inflation?"
Harris' responses? Sources say she briefly malfunctioned before rebooting into a loop of “Let me circle back on that” and “We’re looking at the problem holistically.” At one point, she began laughing—possibly at the absurdity of the situation, or perhaps at her own realization that answering a question directly was, indeed, the most foreign policy she had encountered that day.
And then there was the “Ukraine moment,” where Harris tried to describe the conflict as "a place... with people... and that is a very important place to consider." Groundbreaking analysis. Pulitzer-worthy, no doubt.
Conclusion: The Magic of 16 Seconds
Ultimately, Kamala’s latest edit raises an important question: Why stop at 16 seconds? Couldn’t we just condense her entire vice presidency into a TikTok-length clip? Her team certainly seems capable of it. Imagine it now—a six-second loop of Harris waving awkwardly, followed by her trademark laugh and a quick fade to black.
Perhaps brevity is the soul of wit. Or maybe it's just a convenient way to avoid any further embarrassment. Either way, we’re all left wondering: If 16 seconds is enough to capture her leadership, what does that say about the other 24 minutes and 44 seconds she’s cutting out?
As they say in the editing room—that’s a wrap.
Disclosure:
Now, before anyone starts hyperventilating into their NPR tote bags, let’s make one thing abundantly clear: No, Kamala Harris did not actually edit the Fox News interview down to 16 seconds (although, let's be real, her staff probably wish they could).
We know, we know—you’re probably clutching your “I’m Still With Her” mugs and firing off angry tweets at this very moment. But take a deep breath, folks. This is called parody. It’s humor, satire, comedy! You know, that thing Democrats used to enjoy before everything became "problematic."
Yes, the 60 Minutes editing made Harris look more polished than a used car ad, but this little piece? It’s a joke. Kamala didn't trim the Fox interview into oblivion (even though that would have been a smart move, given the way it went). Also, no interns were harmed in the making of this parody—although we’re pretty sure some of them are still huddled in a corner somewhere trying to Google what "border crisis" means.
In short: This is parody, not CBS. Relax.
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