top of page

the elephant's Den

Writer's pictureThe Elephant

Kamala Harris and Tim Walz Attack Trump’s Age: When You Can’t Win on Policy, Go After His Vitamin C Levels!

In a move that has all the subtlety of a tap-dancing rhino, Vice President Kamala Harris and Minnesota’s very own Richard Simmons impersonator, Governor Tim Walz, are spotlighting former President Trump’s supposed health concerns. Yes, folks, we’ve finally hit the “Is Trump drinking enough water?” portion of the political debate. With policy, results, and actual governing apparently left behind like yesterday’s casserole, the dynamic duo has turned to Trump’s medical records as if they’re about to uncover some hidden secret about his multivitamin choices.


The Ageless Wonder vs. The Record of “Success”


Look, we get it. President Trump is not exactly a spry spring chicken. If he wins in 2024, he’ll be the oldest president ever inaugurated. But let's not pretend age is the real issue here. These same folks have been pushing Joe “Weekend at Bernie’s” Biden around Washington for years, adjusting his earpiece and praying the microphone doesn’t pick up any unscripted whispering. As for Kamala? Well, the last time she took a position on anything, Pluto was still a planet. So, what’s the game here?


Walz and Harris have decided that health, of all things, is their trump card (pun fully intended). Because, when your own record is shakier than a Jenga tower at a toddler’s birthday party, naturally you go after someone’s cholesterol levels. And hey, if you can sprinkle in some age-shaming while you're at it, that’s a bonus!


But wait—there’s more!


Biden: The Cognitive Gold Standard?


Apparently, Biden’s health set the precedent, because when we look at Old Joe, we’re supposed to see a prime example of vigor and mental agility. Yep, nothing screams “peak cognitive ability” like wandering off stages, forgetting the names of close allies, and having your teleprompter yanked away mid-sentence for fear you’ll start reciting lines from Matlock.


And yet, Harris and Walz would have us believe that somehow Trump—a man who famously campaigned harder than some people work in their 30s—is in worse shape. The man hosted more rallies than Tim Walz has hosted Zoom calls, and that’s saying something! Yes, there might be mean tweets in our future (oh, the horror!), but at least the man can remember the nuclear codes, or at least he doesn’t need a Post-It note to do it.


Harris, Biden, and Silence: A Love Triangle of Convenience


Let’s get one thing straight: if Kamala Harris really cared about health, she would have said something about Biden months ago, when his handlers were slipping him applesauce during cabinet meetings. But no, Kamala was quieter than a mouse at a cat convention. Why? Because a Biden with fading faculties is still safer than a Kamala at full strength, or at least whatever passes for "full strength" in her world. It’s the ultimate insurance policy: better to have a president who needs nap time than risk elevating someone whose most consistent trait is…well, inconsistency.


Vice Presidents: Why They Matter (And Why Walz Would Be a Disaster)


But Harris isn’t the only backup plan we should be worried about. Let’s take a moment to appreciate Tim Walz, the man who’s trying to convince America he could one day step in as a potential leader. That’s right, the same guy who has been caught in more public fibs than Pinocchio after a bad poker game.


Now, let’s do a quick comparison, shall we? If something happens to Trump, we get someone like JD Vance—a sharp, wartime veteran who can form complete sentences and doesn’t break into spontaneous Richard Simmons-style aerobics routines when he's in public. If something happens to Biden? We get Kamala Harris, whose greatest accomplishment to date is managing to nod her head for 90 minutes straight during a debate without offering a single useful opinion.


But if something happens to Tim Walz? Well, we get a governor whose biggest public moments include lies about his military career and pretending to be Minnesota’s version of Mr. Rogers. I mean, have you seen this guy? He does aerobics more often than he passes policy.


Trump’s Health vs. Kamala’s IQ: A Fair Trade?


If Kamala and Walz really want to play this game, Trump’s team has an idea. They’re willing to release all of Trump’s medical records (we’re talking blood pressure, cholesterol levels, and maybe even his skin-care routine) if Kamala Harris will kindly release her IQ test results. And while we're at it, Tim Walz, how about you take a break from your jazzercise session and explain those “inappropriate behavior” accusations?


I’m no expert, but that sounds like a fair trade. While they’re busy trying to connect Trump’s stamina to his age, maybe someone should ask why a man in his 70s has more pep in his step than half of Congress on a Red Bull binge. Trump’s been pacing those campaign stages like a caffeinated rabbit, while Biden is left hoping for an afternoon nap that doesn’t get interrupted by the word “Ukraine.”


Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number—Unless It’s Biden’s


At the end of the day, it’s clear that Harris and Walz have a grand total of zero compelling policy points to stand on, so they’re attacking the one thing they can find: Trump’s age. But here’s a little secret—they don’t even really believe it. If they did, Harris would’ve been poking and prodding Biden during the last 15 months like she was running a bingo game at the local senior center.


They want us to believe that Trump’s biggest problem is a couple of grey hairs, when in reality, the guy’s energy level could power half of Washington (at least until they ban fossil fuels). Meanwhile, Kamala and Walz are over there juggling scandals, inconsistencies, and questionable resumes like it’s a circus show.


So, when it comes down to it, who would you rather have leading the country? A 90-year-old Trump who still knows how to tweet up a storm and run a government, or a pack of bumbling buffoons who need daily reminders to drink their Ensure?


As for me, I’ll take Trump at any age—vitamin supplements and all—over the policy desert that is Kamala Harris and Tim Walz, any day of the week.

13 views0 comments

Kommentare


bottom of page