In a twist no one saw coming, Kamala Harris called Donald Trump early Wednesday morning to formally concede the election. After weeks of pundits speculating whether she’d ever make the call, Harris finally bit the bullet—only to be met with the presidential equivalent of a "do not disturb" sign.
Reports from Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate reveal that Donald Trump was, at that very moment, in a sleep so deep he could have been mistaken for a Disney princess under a spell. After a six-month marathon campaign run on pure adrenaline and roughly 2.5 hours of sleep per night, Trump was rumored to have finally decided to “rest his eyes for a second.” That second quickly turned into an all-day snooze-fest, much to the dismay of his staff and Mrs. Trump, who tried every method short of a foghorn to rouse him.
One of Trump’s advisors, who requested anonymity for reasons of professional dignity, admitted, “We tried everything. Melania clapped right by his ear, Barron tried FaceTiming him from his gaming setup, and Ivanka even poked him with a gold-plated golf club. Nothing. The man was out like a light.”
Harris, not one to wait around, reportedly tried calling multiple times, each attempt met with the same result: a cheery Mar-a-Lago voicemail featuring Trump’s unmistakable voice saying, “Hi, you’ve reached the President of the United States. If this is Kamala, please leave a message and I’ll get back to you... sometime.”
A White House spokesperson later clarified that Trump’s prolonged slumber was in no way a snub of Harris. “President Trump respects the concession call, but sometimes a nap is a matter of national priority.
Sources close to Harris claim that she handled the ordeal with a mixture of bemusement and exasperation. After an hour of unsuccessful dialing, Harris was overheard muttering, “Only Trump would turn a concession call into a one-man filibuster... with his own nap.”
Disclaimer: This article is, of course, a work of parody. Any resemblance to reality is purely intentional… for laughs. As for any notion that Donald Trump’s nap could be seen as "disrespectful" to Kamala Harris—well, let’s just say it's hard to disrespect someone who’s already called you and your supporters fascists, racists, and, yes, Hitler himself. But hey, nothing says “new beginnings” like a concession call, right?
Comments