Who is pulling Kamala's strings? Spoiler: It's not Geppetto!
Legendary woodcarver Geppetto, known for bringing to life everyone’s favorite wooden liar, Pinocchio, has filed a blockbuster lawsuit against the Democratic Party. The claim? Patent infringement, emotional distress, and—get this—plagiarism of puppet-making skills, all for allegedly creating a suspiciously familiar puppet known as “Kamala Harris.”
Geppetto’s legal team, consisting of high-end fairy-tale lawyers (rumored to include Rumpelstiltskin’s former attorney), is arguing that the Democrats shamelessly ripped off Geppetto’s original blueprint for Pinocchio to craft their own political puppet. And to make matters worse, they didn’t even bother to ask for the old man’s permission! “They didn’t even send a carrier pigeon,” Geppetto said through clenched teeth in an exclusive interview. “At least with Pinocchio, I got to pull the strings.”
The "Kamala Puppet" and Pinocchio: Spot the Difference (Hint: There Isn't One)
The legal complaint, running thousands of pages long (because lawyers love billing by the hour), points out undeniable similarities between Pinocchio and Kamala. First, there's the trademark lying problem. Every time the Kamala Puppet opens her mouth, a new whopper pops out.
"She was asked about border security, and she said the border was under control!" one of Geppetto’s lawyers exclaimed, pointing to footage of the puppet’s nose rapidly extending. "It’s classic Pinocchio! That’s Geppetto's intellectual property!"
The Democrats, of course, deny any wrongdoing, but the evidence is piling up. According to witnesses, anytime Kamala is confronted with a tough question about inflation, the economy, or even what state she’s in, her nose grows visibly longer. "Geppetto should be credited for such an innovative mechanism," the lawsuit claims. "It's practically his signature!"
The Biden Connection: A Puppet Dynasty?
The lawsuit also hints at a broader conspiracy—Biden, it turns out, was the Democrats' original test run. “They perfected the puppet-making process with Joe,” Geppetto's lawyer explained. “But Kamala? That’s our Pinocchio on steroids!”
This would explain Biden’s robotic speeches and wandering off-stage, though some sources suggest they used a defective Geppetto-like model for the President. “If you notice, Biden’s strings keep getting tangled. Whoever’s pulling the strings for Kamala is a lot more competent, but it’s still clear they’re not licensed to use Geppetto’s methods.”
Geppetto’s lawyers produced further evidence, including a document allegedly showing the Democrats' frantic efforts to design a puppet that could play every role—district attorney, border czar, civil rights icon—depending on the audience. “This puppet’s accent changes faster than its policy positions,” Geppetto’s team argued. “One minute Kamala is Jamaican, the next minute she transforms into a black woman that is "straight outta Compton." That’s beyond puppetry—that’s wizardry.”
Geppetto's Demands: It’s Personal
Geppetto isn’t just suing for monetary compensation—though he’s also asking for a modest $500 million for emotional damages, puppet royalties, and, of course, inflation. “You think living inside a whale was hard? Try watching the news every time Kamala speaks. It’s like watching your own creation become Frankenstein!”
The humble woodcarver’s primary goal is to see credit where it’s due. “I just want them to admit they copied my work. I mean, who else could create a puppet who pretends to care about every issue, and then conveniently forgets how to do anything about it? That’s classic Pinocchio, right there!”
Puppet Master Elites: Who’s Really Behind the Strings?
In a dramatic twist, the lawsuit also suggests that Kamala isn’t even in control of her own strings—an elite group of Democrat marionette masters, rumored to be hiding out in Washington basements, are the real puppet masters. “They’re the ones jerking her strings, making her nod, laugh awkwardly, and then switch topics before anyone notices she didn’t actually answer the question.”
The idea that Kamala, like Biden before her, is merely the front for a shadowy cabal of Democrat elites is not new. But with Geppetto’s case, this theory finally has some legs—or, in this case, strings—to stand on.
“I’m just glad someone’s finally holding these guys accountable,” Geppetto said, taking a break from crafting another wooden masterpiece, rumored to be a future Senate candidate. “They thought they could pull this off without me noticing. I may be old, but I’m no dummy.”
The Nose Grows Longer…
At press time, Democratic officials declined to comment, though several were spotted trying to sneak out of a press briefing disguised as...well...puppets. Meanwhile, Kamala Puppet’s nose was reportedly seen stretching around the Capitol building after a press conference on how the administration plans to "tackle inflation," further adding weight to Geppetto’s claims.
The trial is expected to begin next month, with the puppet strings finally being untangled in court. Stay tuned for more wooden performances, shocking lies, and strings being pulled—Geppetto's not done yet, and the puppets keep coming.
Disclaimer: No actual puppets were harmed in the making of this article—except for maybe Kamala’s strings, but that’s another story.
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