America, buckle up. Rosie O’Donnell has spoken, and according to her, the only thing standing between us and pure democracy is—wait for it—the Electoral College. Yes, in a stunningly original proposal, O’Donnell has declared it’s high time we dump this relic of the Founding Fathers into the dustbin of history. Why, you ask? Simple: because her candidate didn’t just lose— she got trounced.
Now, let’s get this straight. Rosie, who apparently skipped over that dusty part of history class, believes her celebrity status grants her the wisdom to rewrite our nation’s Constitution. Founding Fathers? Outdated. Electoral College? Redundant. A celebrity opinion on American democracy? Absolutely essential.
Picture it: Monopoly night at Rosie’s house. She lands on Park Avenue, but her friend Letitia James insists it’s worth way less than the rules say. Because, obviously, she knows better. And then, inspired by her profound strategic insights Rosie insists that in chess, the Queen should get unlimited moves and the pawns shouldn’t have to be treated like pawns. 'It’s time to update this outdated game!" she declares, apparently unaware that rules are kind of the point.
But Rosie isn’t finished. In fact, her whole anti-Electoral College crusade is only getting started. She wants to tear down centuries of checks and balances, all because—let’s be real—the American people dared to disagree with her. After all, why should an entire country’s vote matter when Rosie O’Donnell has an opinion?
And there lies the heart of her grand vision for America: replace that outdated Electoral College with “Rosie’s Rules of Fairness.” If she loses, the election gets rebooted until Rosie wins—simple as that. She’ll take on the role of rule-maker and of course, the ultimate decider of what’s “fair.”
Oh, and by the way, Rosie, if you’re listening—Donald Trump won not just the Electoral vote, but the popular vote, too. Are you planning on rewriting that piece of reality as well?
For all her newfound passion on constitutional issues, Rosie has seemingly missed the irony. The Founding Fathers, whose vision she’s so eager to dismantle, crafted the very freedoms that let her gripe and moan on national television. Without them, Rosie’s opinions wouldn’t echo through our airwaves—they’d be silenced. But the irony of it all? Lost on her.
Here’s an idea, Rosie. Instead of advocating to upend our election system, why not honor your long-standing promise to move to another country if Trump gets elected? Just think of it—somewhere out there is a faraway land where Rosie O’Donnell’s opinions could be as sacred as democracy itself.
So, America, relax. Take a deep breath. Rosie’s got it all figured out—Monopoly rules, chess, and how elections are decided. After all, if the only qualification for political reform is the loudest voice in the room, she’s already halfway there. God bless America, and may Rosie’s revolutionary rules forever reign in a place far, far away.
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