Looks like the FBI is ready to take the concept of “flight risk” to a whole new level! Former Deputy Director Andrew McCabe has spilled the beans that some of our finest agents are planning their dramatic escape if Trump manages to boomerang back into the Oval Office. Because nothing says “I believe in democracy” like booking a one-way ticket to Anywhere-But-America as soon as the electoral dust settles!
You can almost picture it: FBI agents huddled in dark corners of Starbucks, whispering in hushed tones over their triple-shot espressos, "What if... Trump wins?!" Panic-stricken, they frantically scroll through Airbnb listings in remote Swiss villages, where the cows outnumber the people and the Wi-Fi is just unreliable enough to avoid those pesky subpoena emails.
It’s not hard to imagine these agents meticulously packing their bags, taking extra care to fold their loyalty to the Constitution in with their socks, right before leaving it behind in the bottom drawer. A stash of emergency rations? Check. Solar-powered chargers? Check. A sense of duty to uphold the law? Oops, must’ve left that one in their other suitcase.
Maybe they're just trying to beat the rush before the MAGA parade rolls back into town. After all, traffic is a nightmare when half the country's busy chanting "USA! USA!" Meanwhile, these agents are likely to be found browsing duty-free shops, looking for the perfect bottle of scotch to toast their newfound freedom from, you know, doing their job.
In the end, it’s all about finding that elusive safe space. A cozy little hideaway where the only walls they have to worry about are the ones closing in on them as they try to explain why tax dollars funded a continental getaway? And where nobody expects them to uphold the law, defend the Constitution, or—heaven forbid—work under a president they don’t particularly like. It’s a brave new world, where FBI agents are more interested in avoiding American politics than tackling them head-on.
So, bon voyage, dear agents! May your passports be stamped with the ink of new beginnings and your suitcases be packed with everything but accountability. Just don’t forget to send us a postcard from your new hideout. Preferably one without the words “wish you were here” because, quite frankly, we’re better off with you gone.
So, as you jet off to your new lives, we bid you adieu. Don’t worry about us—we’ll manage without you, somehow. Maybe we’ll even get used to the idea that some agents just weren’t up for the job when things got a little too... democratic.
And hey, if you ever miss the good ol’ U.S. of A., there’s always Zoom. I hope you're not surprised if we’re too busy making America great again to answer your call.
FBI members worried of being jailed if trump gets reelected: FBI
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