Two planes, one runway. But don’t worry—at least everyone on board felt "Included." The Gonzaga players dodged a near disaster—but at least the pilots’ pronouns were verified!
In a heart-stopping moment last week, two planes nearly collided on the runway, narrowly avoiding turning a terminal into the world’s least fun game of bumper cars. While the cause of the incident hasn’t been officially confirmed, one question loomed large in the public’s mind: Was this the handiwork of the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) department?
Now, before you accuse me of being insensitive, let’s acknowledge the groundbreaking achievements of DEI. After all, they’ve done the impossible: making job applications feel like personality quizzes from a middle school sleepover. What’s your pronoun? What’s your skin tone on a Benjamin Moore paint swatch? Are you a Pisces? Important stuff when determining whether someone can land a plane.
And while we can’t definitively blame DEI for the incident, here’s what we can say: When hiring decisions prioritize pronouns over protocols, someone’s bound to spill their peanuts mid-flight.
Introducing Harmeet Dhillon: DEI's Worst Nightmare
Enter Harmeet Dhillon, Trump’s nominee for Assistant Attorney General. If DEI were a Hollywood blockbuster, Dhillon is the plot twist that ruins the villain’s evil plan.
With a resume longer than Biden’s list of excuses, Dhillon is a nationally recognized lawyer specializing in employment law, First Amendment rights, and basically every area of law DEI proponents would rather you not mention.
And here’s where it gets fun: enforcing DEI policies that discriminate based on race or gender has always been illegal, but now, with Dhillon’s appointment, it’s will also be punishable by hefty fines and jail time. Suddenly, all those corporate HR heads who enthusiastically asked applicants for their “preferred gender expression” are frantically Googling “Can I plead the Fifth in an exit interview?”
Preference Falsification: The Great Awakening
It turns out that forcing people to nod along with bad ideas—like “diversity hiring quotas”—only works when there are no consequences. But now that those consequences look like orange jumpsuits and a Netflix documentary titled HR Gone Wild, the tide is turning. Preference falsification, where people pretend to support DEI to avoid being canceled, is about to go the way of MySpace: irrelevant and embarrassing to admit you were into.
Race, Pronouns, and Job Applications: A Modern Mad Lib
Here’s a fun exercise: imagine applying for a job and being told, “Sorry, you’re too qualified. We’re looking for someone with fewer credentials and more melanin.” Crazy, right? Except it’s not hypothetical. For years, companies have been hiring based on checkboxes rather than competence. And let’s not forget the cherry on top: those oh-so-relevant pronoun preferences.
“Hi, I see you’ve got a PhD in aeronautics, but you forgot to list your pronouns. NEXT!”
Meanwhile, somewhere in HR, Karen is high-fiving herself for filling the diversity quota while simultaneously Googling, “What does a pilot do?”
Reverse Discrimination: Legal in Biden’s America
For a nation that outlawed racial discrimination in 1964, we’ve come a long way… backward. DEI hiring is the new discrimination, except now it’s dressed up in virtue-signaling language and packaged as “progress.” It’s no longer about hiring the best person for the job; it’s about assembling a team that looks good on the company’s Instagram page. Who needs competence when you’ve got a rainbow filter?
Hope on the Horizon: A Return to Sanity
With Harmeet Dhillon on the case, there’s hope that job applications will one day make sense again. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll get back to hiring people based on their skills instead of their sexual preferences or skin color.
After all, isn’t that what the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was about? You know, judging people by the content of their character—not the color of their skin or the pronoun in their email signature?
But hey, if you’re still a fan of DEI, here’s a thought: Let’s extend the policy to everything. Imagine DEI brain surgery—surgeons hired for their diversity rather than their ability to operate. Or DEI firefighters—where the team puts out the flames by throwing inclusive slogans at the fire. Don’t worry, the slogans are flame-retardant.
Closing Thoughts
It’s time to stop the madness. Let’s get back to a world where pilots know how to land planes, surgeons know how to perform surgery, and HR knows how to hire someone without turning the process into a game of identity politics bingo. Harmeet Dhillon, we’re rooting for you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a job application to fill out. First question: “What’s your spirit animal?” Sigh.
Disclaimer:
This article is a work of satire and is intended for comedic and thought-provoking purposes only. The airplane incident involving the Gonzaga men’s basketball team at LAX has not been confirmed as related to any Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) policies or practices. However, given the increase in such occurrences, it is reasonable to raise questions about potential correlations.
At the heart of this piece lies a commitment to fairness in the workplace. Every individual deserves to be judged on their qualifications and merit, regardless of personal characteristics such as race, gender, or sexual orientation. When hiring practices prioritize these attributes over competency, it creates a reverse discrimination effect that undermines both workplace integrity and public safety.
This article seeks to highlight these issues with humor while emphasizing the importance of merit-based opportunities for everyone.
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