Ever wondered what it would look like if Karl Marx and Lenin had a baby who grew up to run for President of the United States? Well, look no further than Kamala Harris, who’s been dropping hints about her dream of turning America into the U.S.S.A.—the United Socialist States of America. And by hints, I mean she’s basically reading directly from the Communist Manifesto, with a big red star and hammer-and-sickle emojis for flair.
Let’s take a stroll through Kamala’s latest proposals and see if you can spot a pattern. Spoiler alert: It rhymes with “comm-unism.”
The Great Patent Snatch: Or How to Lose Your Invention in 10 Days or Less
If elected Kamala will bring back her brilliant idea to “snatch” patents from those pesky innovators and entrepreneurs who dare to think they own their own ideas. Why let hardworking Americans keep the rights to their inventions when the government can take them over and run them into the ground? It’s like playing Monopoly, but instead of passing “Go” and collecting $200, the government just seizes your property and hands you a participation trophy.
But don’t worry! Kamala’s got a plan for all that new government property—she’s going to make sure it’s run as efficiently as the DMV on a Monday morning. And if history has taught us anything, it’s that government control of private enterprise always leads to prosperity...just ask the Soviet Union how that worked out!
Grocery Price Controls: Breadlines 2.0
If Kamala’s patent-grabbing didn’t send a shiver down your capitalist spine, how about her latest proposal to control grocery prices? Yes, Comrade Kamala believes that the key to a successful economy is setting price controls, because nothing says “healthy market” like telling stores how much they can charge for a loaf of bread. And if we’re really lucky, maybe she’ll bring back breadlines, because nothing builds community like standing in line for hours just to buy a stale baguette.
But it doesn’t stop there! She’s also eyeing rent controls, because who needs landlords to fix leaky roofs when you can just freeze rents and let the buildings crumble? After all, it’s not like the collapse of the Soviet housing system is a cautionary tale or anything.
Paying Off Debt With Monopoly Money
Speaking of money, Kamala has also floated the idea of eliminating medical debt. That’s right, she’s going to wave her magic wand and make it disappear! How, you ask? By paying it off with monopoly money, of course. Sure, it sounds ludicrous, but if you’ve already suspended reality to believe that government-run businesses will thrive, what’s a little make-believe cash between comrades?
And for those worried about inflation—don’t be! Kamala’s administration will make sure that by the time she’s done, the dollar will be worth less than the paper it’s printed on. Who needs stable currency when you’ve got the spirit of the revolution to keep you warm at night?
A Family Affair: The Harris Household’s Communism Connection
If you think Kamala’s Marxist leanings are a coincidence, think again. Communism runs in the family! Kamala’s father was a proud Marxist professor at Stanford, teaching the future leaders of tomorrow how to overthrow capitalism one lecture at a time. And her mother? She was active in the Afro-American Association, where Fidel Castro and Che Guevara were practically family mascots.
But it doesn’t stop there! Kamala’s sister, Maya Harris, was a student activist with Steve Phillips, a card-carrying Marxist-Leninist who apparently took the “Communist for Dummies” course in college. And as if that wasn’t enough red flags for you, Kamala’s husband, Doug Emhoff, works for a law firm that’s been cozying up to Communist China for decades. It’s almost like they’re trying to set a new world record for the most communists in one family photo.
Kamala’s Comrades in Congress
Kamala’s not just content to keep the communist connections in the family. No, she’s surrounded herself with like-minded comrades in Congress too! When she was elected to the Senate, she appointed Karine Jean-Pierre as her Chief of Staff. Jean-Pierre’s resume reads like a who’s who of far-left activism, from the Haiti Support Network to the Workers World Party. If there’s a communist cause, Jean-Pierre’s been there, done that, and got the t-shirt.
And let’s not forget that the Black Lives Matter movement, which Kamala has proudly supported, traces its ideological roots back to the Black Panther Party, which itself was inspired by—you guessed it—Communist China! If Kamala’s not trying to turn the United States into the next great communist experiment, she’s certainly doing a great impression of someone who is.
Conclusion: The Red Flags Are Waving
So, is Kamala Harris a communist? Well, she certainly seems to be checking all the boxes. From snatching patents to setting price controls, from her family’s communist connections to her choice of comrades in Congress, Kamala is proving to be the most socialist-friendly politician we’ve seen in a long time. If you thought America’s red, white, and blue were sacred, just wait until Kamala gets her hands on the Oval Office. The only thing left will be the red—lots and lots of red.
And if Harris is elected, this country will lose its democratic heritage faster than you can say “Hasta La Vista America.” So, America, wake up and smell the socialism before it’s too late. Otherwise, we’ll all be living in Kamala’s utopia—a place where the government owns everything, and you own...well, absolutely nothing.
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