Kamala Harris’s presidential campaign will go down in history as the Gold-Plated Titanic of political mismanagement—a billion-dollar voyage straight into the iceberg of debt. With over $1.37 billion spent, $20 million still owed, and a desperate email campaign begging donors for even more money post-election, Harris has achieved the impossible: turning Democratic fundraising into a cautionary tale for future generations.
But let’s break it down: Harris raised $1.003 billion, spent $1.37 billion, and ended up in the red. Meanwhile, Trump, the supposed pariah of democracy, raised a modest $381.54 million, spent $345.42 million, and walked away with a surplus. If this is what happens under Harris’s leadership, one can only imagine what she’d do to the federal budget. (Spoiler: it involves a GoFundMe titled "Help Kamala Keep the Lights On in the West Wing.")
The Spending Spree from the Twilight Zone
What does $1.37 billion buy you? In Kamala Harris’s world:
$582.53 million on staff. (Was she secretly hiring Beyoncé as a campaign advisor and forgot to tell us?)
Lavish celebrity-hosted events where the only thing voters took away was the free hot dogs and chips.
Ads in "innovative spaces" like the Las Vegas Sphere. Because nothing says "presidential leadership" like a 360-degree campaign ad beamed directly into the eyes of blackjack players.
Trump, in contrast, spent a mere $10.4 million on staff, proving once again that a businessman knows how to stretch a dollar, while Harris treats donor funds like Monopoly money—only with fewer hotels and a lot more debt.
The Post-Election Circus: Who Needs Dignity?
Even after her loss, the Harris campaign isn’t slowing down. Nope, she’s doubling down—sending desperate pleas to her donor list with subject lines like:
"STOP Trump Before It’s Too Late"
"Help Us Keep the Fight Alive (and Maybe Pay Some Bills)"
"For the Love of Democracy, Send $5 or More!"
The emails are so relentless that even loyal donors are wondering if their inboxes have been hacked by a Nigerian prince.
To add to the absurdity, senior campaign staffers—who were promised paychecks through the end of the year—have now been told they’re out of luck. But hey, at least their health insurance is covered for another month, because nothing says "thank you for your service" like a parting gift of COBRA paperwork.
The Hypothetical Presidency of Kamala Harris
If this financial fiasco is any indication of Harris’s governing style, let’s imagine her as president:
Day One: The White House is repainted with eco-friendly glitter paint because "it inspires the youth."
Month Three: The national debt hits $40 trillion after a taxpayer-funded "Justice Jubilee Gala" featuring Lizzo, Harry Styles, and live ice sculptures of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
End of Year One: Treasury Secretary Cardi B announces that the government is out of money but reassures Americans with a new campaign: "If You Love America, Venmo Kamala."
The Lunacy of Trump Fear Mongering
To top it all off, Harris’s fundraising team has resorted to the classic playbook: Trump is coming for your democracy! Forget policy or accountability—just wave the orange bogeyman around and the donations will pour in. Except, they aren’t. Turns out, even the most devoted donors have their limits when asked to cover Beyoncé’s salary.
A Businessman vs. ___
Ultimately, the 2024 election taught America an important lesson: when you pit a businessman against… whatever Kamala Harris is supposed to be… the businessman wins. Trump’s surplus and Harris’s debt are more than numbers—they’re a metaphor for competence vs. calamity.
As the Democratic Party scrambles to explain this disaster, one can’t help but wonder if Kamala’s next campaign slogan will be:
"Kamala 2028: Because Everyone Deserves a Second Chance at Bankruptcy."
Kamala's Spending Binge: Part I
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