First they called us deplorables, then domestic terrorists, then Nazis, and now garbage...How much longer before Americans sees through all of this?
The Biden-Harris team has pulled out all the stops with their latest effort: a handy field guide for identifying “garbage Americans” This guide, straight from the minds of America’s most out-of-touch strategists, aims to help loyal liberals avoid accidental encounters with “problematic” Americans. From hats to trucks, from flags to family values, this is the all-encompassing “Trash Test” you never knew you needed.
Chapter 1: Wardrobe Warning – Spotting Trash Hats and T-Shirts
"Got a Red Cap? That’s a Red Flag!"
The MAGA Hat Test: If you see someone sporting one of those infamous red caps, do not engage! Apparently, a hat with four words is the universal symbol of garbage these days.
Patriotic T-Shirts: American flag shirts, bald eagles, slogans about liberty? That's a fashion faux pas in Biden and Harris's America. According to this guide, the only “acceptable” t-shirt is a muted beige with an ironic quote about global warming or avocado toast.
Chapter 2: The Truck Test – Tailgates Full of Trouble
"If It Rumbles, It’s Rubbish!"
Pickup Trucks with Flags: Seeing a truck with a flag? Keep your distance! This guide claims that trucks waving the Stars and Stripes are essentially moving dumpsters for conservative opinions.
Bumper Stickers Warning: Anything resembling a “Don’t Tread on Me” snake or “Back the Blue” message is apparently an instant sign of garbage. But if you see a bumper sticker advocating for six genders and free-range kale, you’re in the clear!
Chapter 3: Traditional Family Values – The Garbage Gold Standard
"Beware the ‘Mom, Dad, and Kids’ Dynamic"
According to the Biden-Harris Administration, anyone proudly supporting the nuclear family might as well just roll themselves to the curb. Families with two parents, who teach their kids about respect, hard work, and maybe even God? Total trash. The new recommended model, of course, is “multi-generational, multi-communal, vaguely spiritual gatherings” (preferably in biodegradable sandals).
Chapter 4: Too Much Love for the Red, White, and Blue
"Patriotism is the Ultimate Red Alert!"
This section is particularly scathing. Apparently, if you’re one of those “America-loving” types who cheers during the national anthem or has a flag pole in your yard, consider yourself garbage. In this new America, love for country is suspicious, bordering on subversive.
Chapter 5: Personal Responsibility – A Surefire Trash Test
"The Self-Reliant Are Self-Discarding"
The guide warns: if someone talks about things like “personal responsibility” or “self-reliance,” they’re part of the problem. Trash doesn’t depend on the government, after all. If you know someone who insists on working hard, saving money, and supporting themselves, remind them that the only responsibility that matters is paying more taxes.
Chapter 6: The "Freedom Freak" Alarm – Watch Out for Constitutional Enthusiasts
"Anyone Obsessed with Rights is Likely Recyclable Waste"
According to Biden-Harris experts, anyone who talks a lot about the Constitution is borderline garbage. Quoting the Founding Fathers is practically the equivalent of filling a landfill in their eyes. A true 2024 voter is all about collectivism, and any mention of “freedom” or “rights” just screams yesterday’s trash.
Bonus Section: The Ultimate Garbage Checklist
To help readers identify garbage voters with ease, the Biden-Harris added a pocket-sized checklist. Here are some highlights:
Owns a Bible? - Double bag it!
Enjoys a BBQ with neighbors? - Throw ‘em in the trash compactor.
Believes in free speech? - Recyclable but unwanted.
Stands during the Pledge of Allegiance? - Straight to the curb.
This fictional guide is so absurd, it’s no wonder it’s got people talking. After all, labeling nearly half the country as “trash” is a bold move, even by Washington standards. If you find yourself falling into any of these categories, well, the Biden-Harris team may consider you part of America’s “garbage problem.” The real question, though: who’s taking out the trash on election day?
Disclaimer: This article is purely parody. The fact that I even have to say that is what’s truly absurd—but with the Biden-Harris administration, anything’s possible!
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