WASHINGTON.C. — In a move that has left mathematicians baffled and architects intrigued, President Joe Biden announced his groundbreaking decision to transform the historically oval-shaped Oval Office into a perfect square.
The initiative, dubbed "Fair Corners for All," aims to promote equality and fairness by ensuring every corner of the office has the same angle: a right one."The Oval Office, folks, it’s just too round," Biden explained during a press conference, wielding a protractor like a seasoned geometry teacher. "It’s inherently unfair. Some folks get more wall space, others get less. How can you have a fair discussion where the walls curve away from the truth?"
The decision was reportedly made after a lengthy discussion with a kindergarten class visiting the White House, who insisted that squares were "way cooler" than ovals. The president, inspired by their impassioned arguments, ordered the renovation effective immediately.
White House insiders report that the renovation team will be using only the finest square windows and square furniture, sourced from the trendiest avant-garde designers specializing in angular décor. "We’re even squaring the rugs," said one enthusiastic staffer, who preferred to remain anonymous. "No more Ovaltine, just Squaretine!"
Critics of the plan have been quick to point out the logistical challenges of fitting a square peg into an oval hole. However, Biden dismissed these concerns with a wave of his hand. "Listen, Jack, I’ve been dealing with squares in Congress for years. How hard can it be to make a room match?"
The transformation has not been without its controversy. Geometry enthusiasts across the nation have voiced their dismay, claiming that the move sets a dangerous precedent for other geometrically significant locations.
Petitions have already begun circulating online to protect the Round Table from being turned into an Octagon.
In response to concerns about historical preservation, the president assured the public that the spirit of the Oval Office would be preserved, albeit in a more equitable shape. "Every American should have the same opportunity to be cornered by their government," Biden quipped, drawing chuckles from the press.
As for the future, Biden hinted at more shape-based initiatives. "If this goes well, who knows?" he teased. "The Pentagon might just become the Hexagon."
Conspiracy theorists have already taken to social media to speculate about the deeper meanings behind the change. "It’s a sign of the New World Order," claimed one Twitter user, who seemed unsure whether to be terrified or impressed by the administration's dedication to geometric reform.
As the renovation begins, the world watches with bated breath, wondering whether this bold move will square America’s problems or simply box them in.
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