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Ben & Jerry’s Unveils New WOKE-TASTIC Flavors That Are Melting Minds

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Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream: For people who want their ice cream to taste like guilt and moral superiority



Ben & Jerry's - They're More Than Ice Cream, They're Ice Cream with a Cause!


In a bold move that has sent the progressive ice cream lovers of the world into a collective brain freeze, Ben & Jerry’s has announced a new lineup of flavors designed to celebrate their commitment to activism, social justice, and, apparently, taste-bud confusion. The Vermont-based ice cream company, known as much for their political grandstanding as their Chunky Monkey, has gone above and beyond to capture the essence of modern-day “wokeness” in every pint.


Move over, Cherry Garcia; these new flavors aren’t just desserts—they’re statements. Ben & Jerry’s invites you to experience guilt, virtue signaling, and a sprinkling of absurdity, all in one delicious (and politically charged) scoop. Let’s dive into their groundbreaking, buzzworthy creations.


Our Newest Flavors: Scoops for Change


  1. "Climate Crisis Crunch" A melting pot of polar bear-shaped marshmallows drowning in a sea of rising sea salt caramel. Comes with a side of guilt and a pamphlet on why your car is killing the planet..

  2. "Mansplain Mint Chip" A passive-aggressive swirl of bitter dark chocolate chunks and “cool down” mint, perfect for silencing your inner mansplained. Every scoop comes with a free apology card.

  3. "Non-Binary Banana Split" This flavor refuses to conform, with bananas, strawberries, and pineapples in a chaotic swirl of confusion. No labels, no rules—just fruit living its truth.

  4. "Greta’s Grudge-fudge Ripple" Dark chocolate fudge so intense it screams, “HOW DARE YOU?!” This pint comes with a tiny plastic protest sign for added effect.

  5. "Equity Explosion" Each pint guarantees exactly one bite for everyone in the room, regardless of who paid for it. The flavor? Bland, so no one feels left out.

  6. "Pronoun Peppermint Surprise" A zesty peppermint ice cream with chunks of “they/them” cookies. You never know what you’re going to get because the flavor identifies as all flavors simultaneously.

  7. "Defund the Police Pistachio" Pistachio ice cream with a chaotic swirl of shattered almonds. Each pint costs double but comes with no security seal to match its message.

  8. "Virtue Vanilla" A plain vanilla base, but the label screams “Organic! Vegan! Grass-fed! Hand-churned by activists in Birkenstocks!” It’s the flavor equivalent of a TED Talk.

  9. "Pronoun Praline Pecan" A smooth, creamy base with praline pecans, where every scoop is a nod to individuality and self-expression.Tagline: "Be Who You Are, One Scoop at a Time!"

  10. "Carbon Neutral Caramel Crunch"  Vanilla ice cream with chunks of sustainably sourced caramel and nuts, all packed in eco-friendly packaging. Enjoy the crunch while helping the planet. Tagline: "Cool Down, Green Up!"

  11. "Activists' Almond Butter" Almond butter ice cream with chunks of dark chocolate and bits of almond, symbolizing our support for grassroots movements. Tagline: "Eat to Empower!"

  12. "Intersectionality Swirl" A vibrant mix of blueberry, raspberry, and mango sorbets, representing the diversity of our community. Each spoonful celebrates inclusivity.Tagline: "Unite in Every Spoonful!"

  13. "Fair Trade Fudge Ripple" A rich chocolate base with fair trade cocoa and sugar, swirled with a caramelized fudge ripple. Because every bite should be as ethical as it is delicious.Tagline: "Scoop for a Better World!"


Conclusion:

With these audaciously woke flavors, Ben & Jerry’s has once again proven that ice cream is more than a dessert—it’s a moral imperative. Whether you’re looking to reduce your carbon footprint or just figure out what the heck “Non-Binary Banana Split” tastes like, there’s something here for everyone (except people who disagree, who are kindly asked to leave the freezer aisle).


So grab your biodegradable spoon, buckle up your hemp sandals, and prepare for a socially conscious brain freeze. Ben & Jerry’s: changing the world, one pint of performative ice cream at a time.


And if you’re wondering what flavor they’ll create next, stay tuned. Rumor has it they’re working on “Soy-lent Socialism Swirl”—but it’ll only be available after redistribution.













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