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60 Minutes Presents: Kamala Harris edited - Paste, and Polished

Writer's picture: The ElephantThe Elephant

Step right up, folks! You’ve seen reality TV. You’ve seen scripted TV. But have you ever witnessed what happens when the two have a love child? Welcome to 60 Minutes—the place where news isn’t just reported, it’s reimagined! This week’s star: Kamala Harris, our very own Vice President-slash-word-salad-chef, served up a dish so incoherent that CBS had to bring in their editorial team to make it digestible for public consumption.


Now, this wasn’t your run-of-the-mill political interview. Oh no. CBS decided to treat Kamala’s appearance like a low-budget film production. They didn’t just cut out the awkward pauses; they created an entirely new narrative. Harris’ original answer to the question about Israel's lack of interest in U.S. diplomacy was so convoluted that it resembled a bowl of alphabet soup—so naturally, the wizards at CBS decided to transform it into a gourmet soundbite.


The Magical Word-Salad Transformation


In the teaser that had viewers buzzing, Harris responded to why Netanyahu wasn’t listening to the U.S. with, and I quote: “Well Bill, the work that we have done has resulted in a number of movements in that region by Israel that were very much prompted by, or a result of, many things, including our advocacy for what needs to happen in the region.”


A response like that deserves its own interpretive dance performance, right? But apparently, CBS felt that watching a VP channel her inner Yoda wasn’t exactly the presidential material they wanted to showcase. So what did they do? Like a DJ at a middle school prom, they hit the remix button. When the interview aired, the new response was: “We are not going to stop pursuing what is necessary for the United States to be clear about where we stand on the need for this war to end.” Click Video


Poof! Just like that, Kamala went from speaking in riddles to sounding like she actually had a plan! Amazing what a little cutting and pasting can do. Who knew CBS could take someone who speaks in circular, nonsensical sentences and make them sound like Winston Churchill on a good day? If this editing team had been around in 1988, George H.W. Bush wouldn’t have had to worry about his infamous "Read my lips: no new taxes" promise. Imagine the editorial wizardry that could’ve turned that into, "Read my lips: no new socks!" He would’ve cruised to reelection, and Bill Clinton would still be scratching his head.


Journalism: The Art of Fiction


Back in the day, people tuned in to 60 Minutes for hard-hitting journalism—stories that made you think, "Wow, this is what’s happening in the world." Now, people tune in and think, "Wow, this is what CBS wants me to think is happening in the world." When did we trade news reporting for a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure novel, where CBS gets to decide how the story ends?


Of course, Kamala Harris isn’t complaining. After all, why wouldn’t she want her sentences sliced, diced, and served up on a silver platter? It’s like the autocorrect feature we all need in our everyday conversations. “Oops, I just said something nonsensical? No worries, CBS will fix it in post!”


And who wouldn’t want their blunders edited out? Remember the time Kamala rambled on about Venn diagrams like a middle school teacher who just discovered Microsoft PowerPoint? Well, it never aired. That gem was left on the cutting room floor, and for good reason: Harris’s brain and her mouth have never really been on the same page. But no worries—thanks to the media’s new favorite trick, word salads can be turned into gourmet speeches in post-production.


Trump Calls Foul—The Kamala Cut-and-Paste Conspiracy


Naturally, Donald Trump wasn’t going to let this cinematic-level editing go unnoticed and  ranted on X. Clearly baffled by the Frankenstein job done on Harris’s answers, Trump posted: "60 Minutes is a major part of the News Organization of CBS, which has just created the Greatest Fraud in Broadcast History. CBS should lose its license, and it should be bid out to the Highest Bidder, as should all other Broadcast Licenses, because they are just as corrupt as CBS—and maybe even WORSE!" The Trump campaign is demanding CBS release the raw interview.


In retrospect, 60 Minutes created a brand new Kamala! They took her words and chopped them up like a bad Godzilla movie. Who knows, CBS might soon offer editing services to the public. You mess up an interview? Don’t worry! CBS will fix it for you—turn your nonsense into Shakespeare. If only they had done that for Biden years ago! This was less of an interview and more of a Hollywood reboot, where any plot hole can be filled with the magic of a little digital trickery.


In Conclusion: A New Age of "News"


In this brave new world of journalism, facts are just raw material, and the final product? Well, it’s whatever CBS wants it to be. We can’t wait for the next installment of 60 Minutes Presents: The Best Version of Reality We Could Create, starring Kamala Harris (again). Next time, maybe they’ll edit her into a Madame President role while they’re at it. It’s just a little snip here, a little trim there, and voilà—you’ve got a leader, folks.


And who knows? Maybe we’ll be watching The Best of Kamala on Netflix, a compilation of her most "polished" moments, all made possible by the magic of post-production. Just don’t forget to tune in for the bloopers reel—it’s bound to be the only thing left that resembles the truth.


Stay tuned, America, because in the age of edited news, facts and reality are just a suggestion.





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